Wednesday, February 10, 2010

John Mayer talks about sex with Jessica Simpson



This is part of an interview this douche did with Playboy:

John on Jessica: "And drugs aren't good for you if you do lots of them. Yeah, that girl is like crack cocaine to me. Sexually it was crazy. That's all I'll say. It was like napalm, sexual napalm. Did you ever say, 'I want to quit my life and just fucking snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to fuck you, I would start selling all my shit just to keep fucking you.'

John on black women: "I don't think I open myself to it. My dick is sort of like a white supremacist. I've got a Benetton heart and a fuckin' David Duke cock. I'm going to start dating separately from my dick."

I could care less about this clown, but I know kinkyb!tch, EV, and maybe a couple of other lost souls are fans of his, so I thought you might like to see how John's mind works.

He kind of reminds me of Edward Scissorhands in this pic.

434 comments:

  1. Here are some more gems:

    Playboy wanted to dig further by asking his ass which black women he thinks are hot: "I always thought Holly Robinson Peete was gorgeous. Every white dude loved Hilary from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. And Kerry Washington. She's superhot, and she's also white-girl crazy. Kerry Washington would break your heart like a white girl. Just all of a sudden she'd be like, 'Yeah, I sucked his dick. Whatever.' And you'd be like, 'What? We weren't talking about that.'"

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  2. And about that "hood pass," John explained it like this: "Someone asked me the other day, 'What does it feel like now to have a hood pass?' And by the way, it’s sort of a contradiction in terms, because if you really had a hood pass, you could call it a nigger pass. Why are you pulling a punch and calling it a hood pass if you really have a hood pass? But I said, I can’t really have a hood pass. I’ve never walked into a restaurant, asked for a table and been told, 'We’re full.’

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  3. What is being black? It’s making the most of your life, not taking a single moment for granted. Taking something that’s seen as a struggle and making it work for you, or you’ll die inside. Not to say that my struggle is like the collective struggle of black America. But maybe my struggle is similar to one black dude’s."

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  4. Spurs, he is a self-loathing closet fag. I bet sex with that whore was good, she used to let him piss on her. See what happens when you don't sow your wild oats before marriage? You end up a divorced skankbag letting chubby faggots pee on you after they kiss Perez Hilton. Idiot.
    I just liked that one song anyway, Sours. And you are the one who found it for me, so you are a fan by proxy. Sucka.

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  5. dude is a major douche


    his rendition of free fallin was tight though...

    but if we couldnt separate douches from musical talent, there wouldnt be 89% of the musicians there are today

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  6. Wop-gelato. Can I make it at home or too hard?

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  7. KBIZ - I answered on the other post as well. But yeah you can, its a little tricky, but nothing a couple of test runs wont fix, and you need an ice cream maker

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  8. I dont have one of those! Will you buy me one?

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  9. haha swiwwy wabbit tricks are for kids

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  10. crazyb!tch:

    I found that song for you because you pulled a CBT and Drew and posted the lyrics to the song. Then, once again, I used that one new site called google, plugged in the lyrics (because you couldn't figure out what song it was), and came up with the title of it.

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  11. And you really believe that Perezite Hilton story?

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  12. Perez never lies!
    I'm just fucking with you, Sours. I know you don't like him, and yeah, I was being lazy and didn't want to look for it so I posted it for others to offer up the info. Sue me, bitch.
    Wop-fuck you. I'll buy my own damn ice cream maker then, and my gelato will be better than yours!

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  13. Sue you? What would I sue you for? Trinkets? I don't need any ice cream cone rings.

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  14. Spurs has enough trinkets already.

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  15. Only because you sent them to me, being we are BFF's. But I hope you'll appreciate that I kept them. In a box. In storage. Buried under some old blankets.

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  16. I never said he wasn't a douche bag. He's just a badass guitar player.

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  17. Yes, next to the victims Bitchhog. It seems you want to become one.

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  18. I am too quick and witty for you, Spurs.

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  19. john mayer is a good guitar player. thats what got him out of the 5% range...unlike me.

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  20. just goes to prove what i said awhile back, if you have money you can get laid.

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  21. women are attracted to fame...no matter how washed up a 'celeb' is, they want to be associated with that fame. a perfect example is flavor flav.

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  22. and since they cant make their own claim in life they need to cling on to somebody elses. another example is brett michaels.

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  23. like 6 feet under away.

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  24. if he wasnt dressed like a girl in the 80's nobody would know who he was or why he was famous.

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  25. I always forgot what band that clown was on.

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  26. No, I think that was Boy George, CBT's overseas lover.

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  27. hahaha!! i thought that was george michaels.

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  28. No, I'm pretty sure it was Boy George.

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  29. you mean cbt went all the way to kill people in the jungles of london? crazy.

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  30. jess is hot, he is not

    mt

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  31. mt, did pablo get deported? how are you online?

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  32. who is evil spurs, he got me in trouble lol

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  33. oh yeah? did pablo make tamales out of you?

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  34. Really though, you didn't get in trouble did you? And I'll ask again. How was your Christmas and New Year?

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  35. no pablo doesnt cook asshole

    mt

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  36. So have you done anything exciting lately MT? Any exciting news?

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  37. just kidding mt. dont get all pissy.

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  38. my christmas was nice, new years i got wasted, and 2010 has been shitty so far.

    u kasey
    ??

    and yes , venom got me in trouble, well i got myself into trouble,

    MT

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  39. ok ladies, im out for now. be back later.

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  40. My Christmas and New Year's were good. Sorry that your 2010 is going shitty *Miss Texas*.

    How did you get in trouble?

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  41. no exciting news really....im a blond now lol

    MT

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  42. And is it ok if I e-mail you? I was going to, but I wasn't sure if your boyfriend new anything. I remember you writing one time that he wasn't suspicious of my e-mail address, but I didn't know if that had changed.

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  43. its not light blond, more like jessica alba

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  44. no do not email me please........he keeps his cell where it text him if i get an email


    i was a naughty girl...the youtube videos were ridiculous and degrading

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  45. yea its way shorter too, it makes me look different

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  46. I liked the videos.

    So do you think you will stay with him?

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  47. what happened to skinny pimp aka MP

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  48. He comes around sometimes and leaves comments. I know he got promoted at his job, so he doesn't have a lot of time. But he still checks out the site.

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  49. yea i cut it but its still long just layered

    lol

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  50. What's up with the lol?

    And when did you do this?

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  51. hey i'll try 2 check in later k......take care every1

    muah


    MT

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  52. Hey, thanks for coming by. We've missed you here. Hope to see you later.

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  53. lol bc u dont give two shits about my hairstyle

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  54. Funny. Well, actually the blonde move was pretty interesting. And when you said cut it, I didn't know if you meant you cut it really short.

    Oh, and I'm related to Vidal Sassoon. So I'm interested in hair and stuff. It's like in my blood or something.

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  55. How the hell are u related to Vidal Sassoon? lmao

    MT

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  56. Or 49th or 51th. Somewhere around there.

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  57. How come you don't have a cool accent like Vidal Sassoon?

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  58. I had one up until about 3. But I became Americanized way too fast.

    Shame. I think the accent would help me with the ladies.

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  59. Just thought I'd throw this in here. Kind of off topic (surprise). David Caruso is the biggest asswipe in the history of actors.

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  60. "SPURS FAN said...
    crazyb!tch:

    I found that song for you because you pulled a CBT and Drew and posted the lyrics to the song. Then, once again, I used that one new site called google, plugged in the lyrics (because you couldn't figure out what song it was), and came up with the title of it."

    You can bet your ass I won't ever be quoting any John Gayer lyrics.

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  61. What's up CBT? And I'd hope not man. That would be awful.

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  62. I'm not sure if you caught it or not, Spurs, but DG doesn't think your accent is cool.

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  63. "SPURS FAN said...
    Still snowing there?"

    No. There was supposed to more tomorrow, but I think they called it off.

    I've got to stop starting drinking at 2:00 in the afternoon. Fuck. I'm in a foul fucking mood. If I was down in LR, somone would've been hurt bad by now, but here I got no anonimity, so I gotta act right.

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  64. I don't think she does Bitchhog. I think she thinks I sound like a hillbilly.

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  65. "Bitchhog said...
    I'm not sure if you caught it or not, Spurs, but DG doesn't think your accent is cool."

    And her opinion matters how? When she no longer has fur on her snout, maybe.

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  66. I was just about to write that you are on a rampage with your comment to EV.

    Why do you say if you were in LR you'd be hurt bad by now?

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  67. Bitchhog, you like my accent, don't you?

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  68. "SPURS FAN said...
    No, I think that was Boy George, CBT's overseas lover"

    He's more feminine than DG or RQ.

    I always wanted to book culture club into a bar in Mississippi, just for shits and grins.

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  69. "SPURS FAN said...
    I was just about to write that you are on a rampage with your comment to EV.

    Why do you say if you were in LR you'd be hurt bad by now?"

    Not me dude. These little young boys always seem to come to a knife fight barehanded. Stupid little fuckers.

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  70. Yeah, I'm quite sure Boy George would go over real well in Mississippi. Every person at the bar probably owns all his albums.

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  71. So when you fight you use knives? Who are you?

    Crocodile Dundee?

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  72. "SPURS FAN said...
    I don't think she does Bitchhog. I think she thinks I sound like a hillbilly."

    You do sound like most of the local guys around here, Spurs. The difference between Texas and the Ozarks? 200 miles.

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  73. Might be 200 miles from Texarkana.

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  74. "SPURS FAN said...
    Yeah, I'm quite sure Boy George would go over real well in Mississippi. Every person at the bar probably owns all his albums."

    And I'm a nigger aviator.

    "SPURS FAN said...
    So when you fight you use knives? Who are you?

    Crocodile Dundee?"

    No dude, just the guy who wins the fight. I haven't been in an empty handed fight since the 3rd grade.

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  75. "SPURS FAN said...
    Not from San Antonio."

    So there ain't no cowboys in San Antone?

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  76. "And I'm a nigger aviator."

    What's that mean?

    "No dude, just the guy who wins the fight. I haven't been in an empty handed fight since the 3rd grade."

    So tell me Knife Man, what are you going to do when someone pulls a gun on you?

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  77. You have some throwing stars to use?

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  78. I have no idea what's up with my mood. Shit's actually going good right now. I drank one beer and went, "Who 'round here can I fuck up?". I do have the 27th annversery of some fucked up shit comin' up. That's probably a large part of it.

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  79. "So tell me Knife Man, what are you going to do when someone pulls a gun on you?"

    Use mine. I never go into town without either an S&W .38 or a Colt .45 on me.

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  80. "I drank one beer and went, "Who 'round here can I fuck up?".

    If I was there, I would have answered, "Try one of the women. You might be able to take the one who actually has teeth. She's the feminine gal."

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  81. "Use mine. I never go into town without either an S&W .38 or a Colt .45 on me."

    Who are you? John Wayne?

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  82. "SPURS FAN said...
    You have some throwing stars to use?"

    I have a half dozen of those, but I'm better with throwing spikes. I was playing darts one night, drunk of course, and couldn't hit shit, so I pulled out three spikes and nailed the bullseye with all three. No one would play with me after that, no clue why.

    A nigger aviator is a term I picked from an old dude. Back in WW2, 99% of pilots were white. I knew a guy (white) that flew with the Tuskegee bunch and he told me he spent most of his time trying to keep the fuckers alive.

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  83. "SPURS FAN said...
    "I drank one beer and went, "Who 'round here can I fuck up?".

    If I was there, I would have answered, "Try one of the women. You might be able to take the one who actually has teeth. She's the feminine gal."

    That pretty much eliminates RQ or DG.

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  84. "I have a half dozen of those, but I'm better with throwing spikes. I was playing darts one night, drunk of course, and couldn't hit shit, so I pulled out three spikes and nailed the bullseye with all three."

    And then a unicorn came into the bar, you hopped up on it, and rode out of there right?

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  85. lookie here, a hillbilly conversation. how quaint.

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  86. And to answer your question, there are some cowboys in San Antonio. But they are play cowboys. In other words, they were a stupid cowboy hat, a big ass belt buckle, some wranglers and drive a huge truck but don't have any land.

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  87. "SPURS FAN said...
    "Use mine. I never go into town without either an S&W .38 or a Colt .45 on me."

    Who are you? John Wayne?"

    John Wayne was a pussy. Jimmy Stewart flew B24s, 25 missions, over Germany while Wayne made movies. In Vietnam, standing up in firefight and getting your stupid ass blown away was called "pulling a John Wayne". Stewart's son was a Marine lieutentant who got killed in Nam. Wayne boys were all draft dodging shitty actors. Wayne visited a group of wounded Marines near the end of WW2 and thet threw shiit at him and chased him outta the hospital.

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  88. Well, well, well. If it isn't Woodstock. How's it going hippy? Save any trees today? Help shelter any illegals?

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  89. "BH said...
    lookie here, a hillbilly conversation. how quaint."

    Well lookie here, a wetback hippy. How irrelevant.

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  90. What is your point, CBT? Van Halen? Dickey fucking Bettes? You kidding?

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  91. "SPURS FAN said...
    And to answer your question, there are some cowboys in San Antonio. But they are play cowboys. In other words, they were a stupid cowboy hat, a big ass belt buckle, some wranglers and drive a huge truck but don't have any land."

    Very true, Spurs, but you don't have to get far outside SA to find the real deal.

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  92. EV, you're a really good kid, but you need some exposure to good shit.

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  93. What's the difference between BH and one of Elfie's boyfriends?

    Elfie'sw boyfriends shave their legs.

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  94. Yea, like I have no idea who Eddie Van Halen or Dickey Bettes was. You need some exposure to new shit before you dismiss it.

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  95. Dickey Bettes wasn't even the best guitarist to play for the Allman Brothers.

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  96. The fact that you don't know shit about what you're talking about negates yours. Thats for damn sure.

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  97. "EV said...
    Yea, like I have no idea who Eddie Van Halen or Dickey Bettes was. You need some exposure to new shit before you dismiss it."

    I date girls your age. I've heard him, unfortunately. He is better than Creed.

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  98. "EV said...
    The fact that you don't know shit about what you're talking about negates yours. Thats for damn sure."

    Look kid, you know your way around sports and you have a very good level of Automotive knowledge. Your taste in music sorta sucks. Don't make you no bad person.

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  99. I really like Nickleback. I just think that Gayer is the Bo Donaldson of your generation.

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  100. Oh, please. This coming from someone who just cited Dickey Bettes as an example for a good guitarist.

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  101. Nickelback? Remind me never to respond to you next time you start talking music.

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  102. "Wait'll you see my dick bitch, I'm gonna beat that pussy up, bitch".

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  103. On that Nickelback note, CBT is hereby forbidden to call anyone else gay for their musical preferences.

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  104. "Big Drew said...
    CBT, Bed time?"

    Close, Big Un. I gotta stop starting drinking at 2 in the afternoon.

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  105. You didn't address Drew as "kid" CBT.

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  106. I had seven beers and three shots of Cuervo tonight. Now I understand that's breakfast for Drew, but he outweighs me by a hundred pounds.

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  107. You drink like that everyday Dundee?

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  108. "SPURS FAN said...
    You didn't address Drew as "kid" CBT."

    EV's 21, he is a kid, and a good one I suspect, when he's not on Pam's ass. Drew's goddamn near my age, maybe older. Why would I?

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  109. I'm just giving you a hard time Wyatt, calm down. I don't want you to stab me.

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  110. eddie van halen is decent but nobody can still hold a candle to hendrix.

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  111. "SPURS FAN said...
    You drink like that everyday Dundee?"

    I used to in 05, 06 and 07. Just for the last few weeks, lately. I got a serious case of boredom, interspersed with bouts of major BMD.

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  112. cbt, as old as you are you could probably call moses a kid.

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  113. CBT said...

    I had seven beers and three shots of Cuervo tonight. Now I understand that's breakfast for Drew, but he outweighs me by a hundred pounds.

    Light weight!

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  114. What do you usually drink each day Drew?

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  115. The Suns are sucking balls right now.

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  116. Fuck you. They're coming off a 5 win streak. And they beat your Spurs.

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  117. "Anonymous said...
    eddie van halen is decent but nobody can still hold a candle to hendrix"

    That is truth. That fucker played a right hand guitar upside down left handed and still can't nobody touch him.

    "SPURS FAN said...
    What is BMD CBT?"

    Wop used that the other day. Baby Momma Drama.

    My guess is Drew keeps Captain Morgan in business.

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  118. Thanks Anonymous, CBT. I forgot about that.

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  119. With all respect to Hendrix, he was ahead of his era and his music is timeless, but skill-wise he was surpassed a long, long time ago.

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  120. EV:

    Talk to me about the Suns when they win a championship. Who knows? We might be in the same nursing home when they do.

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  121. We'll be long into our grave years before the Spurs get an exciting team.

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  122. surpassed? thats a matter of opinion, ev.

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  123. I got so much shit happenin' right now. An accidental fiance on the other side of the country, a baby and here momma that I gotta rescue, an impending radio show, tryin' to heal a 36 year rift with my daddy before he dies, a ranch to run since the old man's been down. Fuck. Ever since I decided I'm in love, every pretty brown eyed 22 year old in this town seems to want a piece of me and I'm tryin' so hard to be good.

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  124. Yep, championships are boring EV. You can take your Run-N-Gun Suns and missed playoffs and first round exits.

    I'll take a boring championship team. But hey, the Mercury are exciting! (rolling eyes)

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  125. How is it a matter of opinion? The limits have since been pushed far beyond what guys, even Hendrix, were doing in the 60's.

    Again, I'm not rating his music, I'm talking about raw talent behind the guitar, at least thats what I'm getting out of "no one has touched him."

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  126. Champions are boring when the Spurs are in them. Fortunately it has been some time since we've seen them there, and probably will continue to be a while with Duncan aging.

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  127. The Suns owner may as well burn their arena and collect the insurance money.

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  128. But hey, when the Spurs' dynasty is dead, the Cowgirls may end their drought after a second decade.

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  129. "EV said...
    With all respect to Hendrix, he was ahead of his era and his music is timeless, but skill-wise he was surpassed a long, long time ago."

    By?

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  130. Coming from an Eagles fan, that's priceless. Maybe Jabba the Hut will be able to win a championship sometime. But not with McNabb. Time to break that coach and QB tandem up.

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  131. its a matter of opinion because thats the way you feel about it. everyone has been biting off of what hendrix had already cooked up. nobody else was doing the shit he did and nobody else has innovated since his time. and who commented 'no one has touched him'? i most certainly didnt.

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  132. Well, just to rattle a few guys off the top of my head: Yngwie Malmsteen, Michael Angelo Batio, Michael Romero, Jeff Loomis, Steve Vai. I could keep going.

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  133. ok, those guys were influenced by hendrix...basically saying that if hendrix wasnt around they wouldnt be either. your point is moot.

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  134. That tandem has been looking better than Homo Romo and Wade.

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  135. " Ever since I decided I'm in love, every pretty brown eyed 22 year old in this town seems to want a piece of me and I'm tryin' so hard to be good."

    HAHAHAHA!!!! Thanks for the laugh CBT.

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  136. No one has touched Hendrix for raw guitar playing talent, and he was raw, like no one has touched Morrison for raw songwriting talent, with the exception of Kristofferson.

    Morrison and Hendrix are from the era before me, but the 70's produced such great songs as "Billy, Don't Be A Hero", The Pina Coloda Song", "Seasons In the Sun" and "Kung Fu Fighting", then Disco hit. Fucking intellectual wasteland. The 80s were worse, if possible. Rock didn't recover until Nirvana.

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  137. Um, no. My point isn't moot. First of all, Malmsteen or MAB's styles weren't, in the slightest influenced by Hendrix's music. Thats like just like saying "well, they came after him so therefore are influenced bu him."

    I like Hendrix as much as the next guy, probably even more. But he didn't reinvent the way people played the guitar. He was just a great guitarist. Leave it at that.

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  138. the greatest guitarist ever, ev. you left out ever.

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  139. CBT, I already said I'm not responding to your music suggestions. After that last one, I'm not regretting it.

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  140. "DG said...
    " Ever since I decided I'm in love, every pretty brown eyed 22 year old in this town seems to want a piece of me and I'm tryin' so hard to be good."

    HAHAHAHA!!!! Thanks for the laugh CBT."

    Your Welcome. Now shave your snout.

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  141. For EV to only be 21, he has a great way of making his points clear and direct.

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  142. Damn DG, I missed CBT's comment. That was a good one.

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  143. http://www.time.com/time/photogallery/0,29307,1916544_1921910,00.html

    http://www.rollingstone.com/news/story/5937559/the_100_greatest_guitarists_of_all_time/

    http://www.hotguitarist.com/guitar_artists/guitar_players.htm

    http://digitaldreamdoor.nutsie.com/pages/best_newguitar.html

    and its not just that thinks that, as you can plainly see.

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  144. "EV said...
    CBT, I already said I'm not responding to your music suggestions. After that last one, I'm not regretting it."

    EV, dry out behind your ears and then we'll talk music.

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  145. hedrix didnt re-invent the way the people palyed the guitar but he did innovate the way it was used as an instrument.

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  146. Yea dude, using some magazine clippings isn't the best way to drive your point home.

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  147. "SPURS FAN said...

    Damn DG, I missed CBT's comment. That was a good one."

    Spurs, maybe if you shave DG's snout for her, she'll give you your dick back.

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  148. Considering the size of the town he lives in, there probably aren't ANY brown eyed 22 year olds which makes his statement technically true.

    Is that how you justify your lies CBT?

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  149. comparing malmsteen to hendrix is like comparing hotdogs to filet mingnon.

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  150. do you see how people have evolved from cooking over an open campfire to cooking in kitchens? they are still cooking but they have progressed.

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  151. Malmsteen is Filet Mingnon? Thats all I got out of that.

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  152. Do you see how your points are going nowhere because Hendrix wasn't the first person to pick up a guitar?

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  153. ev, post some sources to back up your claim the hendrix was surpassed. im curious to know where you got that idea.

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  154. I don't have it CBT. I wrapped it in a crescent roll and fed it to a homeless person. Sadly, but not surprisingly, he died of starvation anyway. May he RIP.

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  155. "DG said...
    Considering the size of the town he lives in, there probably aren't ANY brown eyed 22 year olds which makes his statement technically true.

    Is that how you justify your lies CBT?"

    If I was lyin' I'd feel no need to justify it to you, DG. Tell me, were your folks Hampshires or Durocs?

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  156. ev, i understand that youre still a kid and you have 2 hairs on your chest that you can curl and you feel that you have to be right because youre young, but once you have gotten older and wiser people will begin to care about your opinion more.

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  157. "DG said...
    I don't have it CBT. I wrapped it in a crescent roll and fed it to a homeless person. Sadly, but not surprisingly, he died of starvation anyway. May he RIP."

    That was funny DG. I also admire your ability to type with a cloven hoof.

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  158. Some sources? Like what? Fucking GUITARworld magazine? It isn't like these guys have a stat sheet we can stack next to each other.

    Listen to Malmsteen or Michael Angelo Batio and please, tell me how they are technically not as good guitarists as Jimi Hendrix was.

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  159. ev, i never said hendrix was the first to pick up a guitar. but what i am saying is that he was the first to do what he did. he innovated.

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  160. Anon, you sound like a jackass. Especially after that dumbass age comment.

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  161. Of course you wouldn't justify anything to me CBT because you can't.

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  162. ok...whatever ev. once again, your opinion.

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  163. "Anonymous said...
    ev, i understand that youre still a kid and you have 2 hairs on your chest that you can curl and you feel that you have to be right because youre young, but once you have gotten older and wiser people will begin to care about your opinion more."

    Fuck. I hate it when this dude makes sense.

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  164. Listen to those guitarists before you tell me I'm wrong and don't know what I'm talking about. Until then, your one of the many uneducated dolts who stand behind their opinion because they think NObody would dare question a legend like Hendrix!

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  165. ev, you seem to get butthurt when somebody else has an opinion that differs from yours. just because its different doesnt make it wrong. when you have lived life more you will understand that, kiddo.

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  166. You're a fucking moron. I'm getting annoyed because you just tried to justify your opinion over mine using age, which, we can clearly see means jack shit in this scenario. What a joke.

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  167. im not justifying hendrix being the greatest guitar player ever. im simply relaying what has already been said. and im glad that you have finally admited that its just your opinion that hendrix isnt. if you feel that malmsteen is the best ever then write to the previously posted magazines and ask them why they think hendrix is the best.

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  168. DG, did see what I wrote the other night about you being a strong, independent woman? That was meant to be of a compliment, although somewhat of an underhanded one.

    I have no reason to lie here. In fact, as I've said before, I use this site to talk about stuff I can't or won't in real life, a form of therapy for me. I have to be extremely cautious about what I say and do in this town because of my job and my family's history here.

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  169. "DG said...
    Of course you wouldn't justify anything to me CBT because you can't."

    Or maybe it's because you're a cunt with really great legs.

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