Friday, February 12, 2010

Valentine's Greetings from kinkyb!tch


I can't help notice that most of you have no big plans for the upcoming holiday. It saddens my heart that the easiest day to get some ass for men and women alike will pass you all by in its fleeting beauty. Being the sweetheart that I am, I decided to send out Valentine coupons to you all! They are sealed with a honeydew flavored kiss ;)

Spurs-for you I have a get your dick out of DG's purse for a day coupon. I hope your girlfriend at the Ra-tard School for Girls' sends her a thank you note. Keep me posted on that, Deeg.

Wop-a coupon for a batch of your favorite gelato. Strawberry or honeydew flavored, your pick, since I like you and all.

DG-for you I have a coupon entitling you to 10 minutes of cuddling and hair pulling with me. Being the considerate whore that I am, I will let you tape it so you can watch it and touch yourself to me later.

Elfie-a warm and sensual bubble bath awaits you, with me in the deep end of my hot tub tied to the handles. Be gentle doll, you know this is my first time.

Drew-nothing for you.

Pam-I have a slip here allowing you 25 kisses for your highness (at the location of your choice). Let's see if that 5 second rule you mentioned is legit.

Francis B-I hope you are RIP, but I have a coupon here allowing you a secret rendezvous with me. Two things on my bucket list were having sex with a pedophile dwarf and having sex with a ghost. I have one crossed off, please do me the honor of crossing off another so I may die happy as well.

CHEF-I'll be at your party, you can cash in a coupon of your choice when we meet, as you are my favorite poster and all. NO PICS that involve my face or any other identifiable markings, scars, birthmarks, etc. You know how I roll.

BH-a coupon here for dinner and dessert awaits you. I'm warming up a Lean Cuisine Butternut Squash meal and you can share honeydew gelato with Wop for dessert. Had you emailed me your mom's Etsy link, you would've received an hour of alone time with me, sans any snail trail. Maybe next year.

NTA-I bet you wish you weren't an agnostic now, don't you? Sucka.

CBT-since you are celibate until your fiance comes around (actually, forever once you get married, you'll see), I will write you a letter consisting of 10 things I love about you. You don't mind if I repeat myself autistic style, do you? I can really only think of one thing I like about you.

EV-saved the best for last, doll. I have here a coupon that allows you one heart-felt hug. Someone scrawled underneath it eff that gay shit and tell him to bring his Rogaine and compile a list of excuses as to why his face and ass are so red after tonight. You have to follow the rules of the coupon, so get ready sweets.

Enjoy these whimsical ways that I have used to say I love you. Have a splendid weekend!

Gay. But since you took the time to do this, I have a "Please everyone forget I was dating and abetting a pedophile" coupon. I also was going to get a "You've been e-dumped. Now what?" book for you, but I figured you could figure that out on your own.

158 comments:

  1. Fuck you Spurs. I carve 1.5 minutes out of my day to crank these posts out for you and you A) don't even appreciate it B) dont proofread/edit my mistakes and C) take jabs at my tender heart.
    I hope you die this weekend during your coke fueled sex session with ra-tard girl. I'd be careful if I were you, it is in fact illegal to fuck a retard in TX, you don't want a flier handed out with your face on it like pterodactyl boy.

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  2. "CBT-since you are celibate until your fiance comes around (actually, forever once you get married, you'll see), I will write you a letter consisting of 10 things I love about you. You don't mind if I repeat myself autistic style, do you? I can really only think of one thing I like about you."

    Who said I was celibate. I said I'm TRYING to be good, and I was married for 20 years and had plenty of sex, just not with my wife.

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  3. I do appreciate it. I wrote Gay. That means happy.

    And I spell checked this masterpiece you wrote.

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  4. Kb, what is the one thing you like about me?

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  5. Hey I forgot to ask you guys, I didn't watch the Superbowl preshows at all, but I thought I caught a glimpse of Garth Jax on one segment. Was he there doing announcer stuff? I thought he retired to be a drug rep.

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  6. CBT:

    That your demented sexual history makes kinkyb!tch look somewhat normal.

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  7. Not sure kb. I didn't catch that part.

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  8. "SPURS FAN said...

    CBT:

    That your demented sexual history makes kinkyb!tch look somewhat normal."

    True. I love how she thinks she's a freak and really has no clue.

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  9. Maybe it was Boomer Esiason. I know when he first came into my office (Jax), he was explaining to me some shiz about the drug he was dropping off and I was like why do I want to call this guy Boomer, but his nametag says Garth Jax? He noticed I was staring and asked what my problem was so I said I thought your name was Boomer and he laughed for like 5 minutes? He wouldn't tell me who he was or why I possibly recognized him, so I googled him when he left. Maybe he got laid off from pharmaceuticals, I know quite a few people have.

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  10. "Maybe he got laid off from pharmaceuticals, I know quite a few people have."

    Really? That seems like a good industry.

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  11. Ceebs, I don't know one thing I like about you, I made it up while typing that. Im sure there is something, I like everyone really. Ill get back to you on that.

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  12. Yeah but they get paid redonkulous amounts just to drop off samples of meds and read why the drug is better than the competition using a cue card. Plus, they schmooze Drs. and their staff with lunches and an array of high caloric snacks and treats often. All of that is billed to the employer and reimbursed to them, on top of a 6 figure salary. Drs. may like your drug, but if the insurance isn't gonna pay for it, they typically don't want the hassle, so it does no good to bring in the doc's fave lunch place or a box of chocolates for him to give to his wife on Valentine's day. With the state of healthcare the way it is, especially the medicaid out here in AZ, I can see why they would want to cut costs and drop some people.

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  13. "Drs. may like your drug, but if the insurance isn't gonna pay for it, they typically don't want the hassle, so it does no good to bring in the doc's fave lunch place or a box of chocolates for him to give to his wife on Valentine's day."

    That's a good point.

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  14. Oh, and I forgot your porn name. I saw where you think yours is better than Streets.

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  15. My aunt was a rep for Merck for quite a few years, she made a ton of cash. She has health problems and retired a few years ago.

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  16. Mine is legit. Ariel Grove. You would all google me and touch yourself, if you don't already do so.

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  17. Streets-I am getting strawberry scented bubble bath for us, is that cool?

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  18. That is so considerate of you, you know how I love strawberries. I am getting some fresh strawberries and champagne for us to eat/drink while we wash each others backs ;)

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  19. I'd recommend the both of you go lesbo. I could see it working out well. I mean, you both have something in common. You both like pedos.

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  20. Considerate is my middle name. Like when I visit EV this weekend, I will not wear any panties in order to eliminate the chance that I may accidentally leave them behind. I do not want his girlfriend to find them and fight with him all weekend, I want them to have a nice holiday.
    I put everyone ahead of myself, it is starting to get tiresome.

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  21. That's very considerate of you. And it's good to know Gary Glitter rubbed off on you. Going younger I see.

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  22. Word.

    I was hoping for a BJ, but I suppose ice cream will have to suffice. Gay

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  23. That's funny Wopness.

    Maybe Streets can help you out with that.

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  24. And kinkyb!tch, Wopness means "happy" as well. He's happy with some ice cream.

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  25. I got slave labor

    i have to lick your pussy 25 times?
    LOL

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  26. Spurs, I am rather sad. The man I am dating and in lust with and a pretty solid two week relationship is leaving the morning of valentines day to tour Europe, and after is moving to San Diego.

    I don't have good timing

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  27. How many "love" interests do you have Pam? I mean there's the porn dentist, a few I'm leaving out I'm sure and now this guy?

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  28. what this guy has been the only guy Ive been sleeping with for three weeks since the night I Got drunk at work.

    The rest are just in cases

    because of these kind of situations like him leaving

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  29. Hes perfect we did a ton of vikodin the other night and went to a strip club, he opened the doors for me, he cooks for me and rubs my back when I make him. He also nurtures me when I have a two day hang over.

    sigh.

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  30. He opened the door for you at the strip club?

    He's a fucking keeper for sure.

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  31. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-33I7KKjU1U

    I uploaded it to my other youtube its almost got two thousand views in five days! llol

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  32. Hes not a keeper hes in a punk band but wears suits and is leaving

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  33. Do you ever think about this

    How many pictures youve ended up in strangers pictures when you are in the background or walking by

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  34. Pam, go with him on tour. And you do not have to kiss me 25 times in the same spot. This is more evidence that you have not had good sex. Put the Vicodin down next time.

    Will someone tell Wop what honeydew ice cream really is?

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  35. Maybe when he gets his Masters he'll start making some good cash and pick you up at whatever photo shoot you are at and take you to Thailand.

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  36. "Do you ever think about this

    How many pictures youve ended up in strangers pictures when you are in the background or walking by"

    Good question (even though there's no question marks).

    But no, I haven't thought of that, but that is an interesting question.

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  37. Yes, being your vadge has a honeydew taste, your basically offering Wop your twat.

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  38. my vadge has a honey dew tastE ?

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  39. No Pam, that's in reference to kinkyb!tch.

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  40. I want to go to Phuket and visit Phi PHi so bad

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  41. Maybe porn dentist can take you out there. I bet that $750,000 car he told you he has flies.

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  42. Well I can send you a photo of his car

    do you want that spurs ?

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  43. That would be great. Seriously. Especially if you were posing on it. I hope you take the time to entertain us peasants while you are living it up with porn dentist.

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  44. haha! Okay I Will, and hopefully he lets me

    and oh I just checked
    his car was a million dollars to buy

    thats a lot of dollars

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  45. http://autos.aol.com/cars-Bugatti-Veyron-2007/pricing

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  46. "He lets me?"

    No, you do whatever you want. Just milk the guy for some cash, and then pretend he doesn't exist. I hope we get a pic of him as well.

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  47. I don't care to look at links Pam. I want to see a pic of you on the car. Or by the car. Something like that.

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  48. Okay
    =) we are already on friend terms, he usually only ships girls for the day and ships them back the same day

    but I get three and a half days
    muahahha
    evil laugh

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  49. I like how you wrote "ships" as if the women were cargo. Which I suppose they pretty much are. That's funny.

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  50. Owning a Veyron, you may as well buy a billboard that attaches to your head and states how much money you spent. The only thing notable about that supercar is it's price.

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  51. I'd be afraid then, Pam. He sounds a bit off. Plus, if he used to be a dentist I bet he has all sorts of Special K lying around. Don't go, do it for kbizzle, please.

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  52. My boyfriend drives that car EV!

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  53. Kb he is actually a really good guy!! we talk on the phone 20 minutes a day, he told me he talks to me more then his own mother. hes really nice

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  54. Hes funny too
    he just sent me a picture I woke up too of a bunch of hillbillies and asked why I hada photo of my family online

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  55. He has nice taste in woman

    nudge nudge

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  56. Its just not as good
    I dont feel high

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  57. How long have you been on Adderall?

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  58. Oh. Well, maybe you got a bad batch.

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  59. No I ran out of my usual shit I get from the doctr so I bought some off a drug dealer

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  60. Oh my gosh SPurs I have a perfect Idea for my youtube page

    I am going to turn it into a workout page!!


    BEcause I need to loose like four pounds
    So I am going to prance around in panties and show fat girls how to workout and then they can see how fit I Get!!!!

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  61. I sent you something Spurs.

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  62. Sound like a great plan Pam. Just don't refer to them as fat when you are instructing them.

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  63. All right Streets, give me a second. I'm trying to help my boss sync her Iphone. For some reason it's not working.

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  64. Streets, I may really need that bubblebath this weekend. I am sick, it hurts to breathe and cough. Come be my slutty nurse.

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  65. You are still sick kinkyb!tch? Maybe you should live in a bubble.

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  66. Hey Streets, how did it go at the dentist's office? Did you go?

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  67. I'm probably dying.
    Spurs, would you come to my funeral? Streets, I know you would watch my autopsy, but would anyone else?

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  68. We went she got spacers put in, they are blue.

    I will have to pay something Tuesday.

    KB~ I'll be right over.

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  69. Oh I forgot I did that
    <-------
    New picture.

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  70. I'm going to beat that bizzle up Elfie. Tell her to back off my nurse!

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  71. haha that is one of my good friends... Spurs remember "fargogirl"? haha

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  72. fargogirl has a big rack!

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  73. no. you should be rubbing your rack.
    for your eyes only elf:
    I often times find myself (while laying down) rubbing my own rack. i am not sure why..i just do it and dont notice until after 5 mins or so passes. then im like wtf..why am i doing this? it is relaxing to me though.

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  74. I'd go to your funeral kinkyb!tch.

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  75. Nice pic of you grabbing each others racks Streets. What happened to Fargo girl anyway?

    Do you still talk to her?

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  76. That is funny KB, I stick my hand in the waistband of my pants Al Bundy style sometimes.

    <---- Double grab... Fargogirl does have a big rack!

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  77. She lives in Fargo duh... I talk to her all the time. She's in school and really busy most of time, she doesnt have time to be a loser commentor like I do.

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  78. she should take her laptop to school and fuck around during lecture. ive heard its real easy to do.

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  79. spurs, you know i rarely like to give you any props, so you better take this and run with it.
    i really like that edward sharpe song you linked for me the other day. i want to listen to some other ones i found of his on playlist, but i cannot stop listening to home.
    thanks ra-tard fucker. youre alright in my book.

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  80. I'm a loser commenter too Streets.

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  81. And kinkyb!tch is right. She should take her laptop to school.

    And kinkyb!tch. As far as Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros. You should look up the lead singer. His name isn't Edward Sharpe, it's an alter ego he came up with. He used to be the lead singer of ImaRobot.

    It's interesting how he came to form the group after he left ImaRobot.

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  82. Ceebs would like Up from Below by his group.
    He has an alter ego? I like him already.

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  83. Kbazzoomy, please.

    The Strong Beer festival saturday is more of a holiday to me than VD Day. I am not butt-hurt by this. I WOULD be offended if you took a photo of your rack and sent it to everyone but me.

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  84. kinkyb!th:

    I thought it was cool to see what he and the girl who sings look like. I found a performance they did on Letterman. I think you'll like it:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qb9jY8yAxgs

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  85. I thought homeboy was just high on life until the cam caught his face while on the trumpet player. I wonder what he smokes?
    Come in Please is good also. I didnt like the one I recommended for Ceebs though.

    Kbazzoomy? You guys are getting creative. I don't care much for beer, although MGD is okay. Gary Glitter introduced me to that. No one has a pic of my rack, NTA. Many requests, but no dice.

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  86. Then whose boobs were in that picture you sent me Kb? Tricky.

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  87. I was going to recommend Come in Please to you kinkyb!tch.

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  88. DGs. After I came on them.

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  89. How the HELL did you manage that KB... I hope you don't have one of those enlarged clits/micro penises.
    Hey that brings about a fanatastic question! have you ever seen a deformed vag, I mean like crazy looking?

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  90. I do not have one of those clits, Elfie, but Im sorry, I do cum a lot. I never make anyone else sleep in the puddle though, swear.

    All vags look gross to me. And I dont care what ANYONE says, watching a baby be born is foul as well. Id never be able to bang my wife again if I witnessed that, no way. {shivers}

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  91. Hi Spurs, I just checked before I headed for the exit...I need to get the weekend started.

    Kb, ...the beer festival is an event downtown so its kind of cool to hang out and watch people. I can't drink much anymore; I get sinus type headaches, especially from tap beer. (loser)

    I always call you nice things; Kbusty is my fave though. I am afraid I can't use it anymore without evidence...

    Have a great weekend all...

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  92. I don't think vags are ugly and I love to watch childbirth... then again I love to watch autopsies too.

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  93. That sounds like a fun funeral CBT.

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  94. "SPURS FAN said...

    That sounds like a fun funeral CBT."

    I have also left instructions that a local band made up of white trash hippies play covers of Lynyrd Skynyrd, The Allman Brothers, The Outlaws and Molly Hatchett from a flatbed trailer doubling as a stge at the cemetery, the final song being "Freebird". The will be galvanized washtubs full of PBR and bottles of Jim Beam passed around, along with more fat joints (not blunts, those are not welcome at the ultimate redneck funeral).

    That does sound fun. I think I'll kill one of my buddies and bury him like that, for a trial run, so to speak.

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  95. streets-have you ever watched a woman give birth and saw mint green colored water gush out? or watched them poop while the head came out?
    i understand the beauty of it all, and it is amazing in that sense, but when you look back at the rest..barf..and the afterbirth and all the blood just free flowing out into that bag thats placed underneath her..oh man..not my favorite part.
    Autopsies are fine. I appreciate the sound the skull makes after it has been half sawed and is peeled back. it is like a pickle jar being opened for the first time.

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  96. kb, much as I love you, and I do, there ain't no way in hell in go in after Gary Glitter's been there. There ain't enough latex to protect me from the gay ass douchebagness that has to coat that guy's dick.

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  97. Re Gary Glitter, I'd rather hit one of Brett Michaels leftovers, and I wouldn't do that without a gun to my head. Hell, I'd probably fuck Rocket Queen first. Okay maybe that was a little bit of a sretch, but at least a "Rock of Love" alumni.

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  98. "Autopsies are fine. I appreciate the sound the skull makes after it has been half sawed and is peeled back. it is like a pickle jar being opened for the first time."

    That's nice.

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  99. "kbeezy said...

    streets-have you ever watched a woman give birth and saw mint green colored water gush out? or watched them poop while the head came out?
    i understand the beauty of it all, and it is amazing in that sense, but when you look back at the rest..barf..and the afterbirth and all the blood just free flowing out into that bag thats placed underneath her.."

    Thanks kb, now I'll never eat pussy again.

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  100. I have seen all of that KB... the green water tends to mean the baby was in distress at some point (meconium) and yes shit happens (especially during childbirth) but it's still interesting and pretty frickin cool if you ask me. I do no0t think dicks or vags are especially attractive, put the two together and that is another story.

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  101. and yes I have also heard the sound you refer to... my favorite part is when they saw open the chest and break the breastbone, then flop the ribcage open to reveal the lungs.

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  102. Hey, have a nice weekend Streets. Have a nice Valentine's Day too.

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  103. "Elfie Streets said...

    and yes I have also heard the sound you refer to... my favorite part is when they saw open the chest and break the breastbone, then flop the ribcage open to reveal the lungs."

    My favorite thing was the way a 7.62 round can make someone's head disappear in a spray of blood and brains, and how easy the guy next to first one was to shoot when he froze up after his buddy's brains slapped him in the face.

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  104. But not as beautiful as the scenario that kinkyb!tch described earlier.

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  105. Spurs, mine was sarcastic. Cutting people up after they're dead is one thing, making them dead is another. Death is not something to be taken as entertainment.

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  106. Well, you used an entertaining way to desribe the sceanrio CBT.

    And my "beautiful scenario" comment was sarcasm too.

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  107. When I die somebody please play some good old Heidie Montag. Any song by that beauty will do.

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  108. What's up Anonymous? How's South Florida?

    And yes, Hedi Montag would be great to play. That way all the people at the funeral would wish they were dead too.

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  109. What up spurz.. It's hella windy,, rainy here. Tropical storming,, temps in the low 60's dropping down to low 50's..

    I would also like to invite that crazy bitch, Pam's future husband.. You know the classy dude that open's door's for ladies at strip clubs,,, hahahahaha..

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  110. Yeah man, it's been cold and rainy here all week.

    Yes, opening up a door for a woman at a strip club is the most romantic thing ever.


    And as far as Porn Dentist that Pam is visiting in Phoenix? (he used to be a dentist and then quit and started producing porn)

    Now there is a keeper for sure. I mean, he drives a $750,000 car. He's even so cool he brags about it.

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  111. I don't think anyone sent CBT the Gary Glitter flyer kinkyb!tch.

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  112. porn dentist is going to inject Pam with Special K and ass rape her on camera. He is also going to lock her in one of the bedrooms in his "studio used for filming" (read=house he bought on a shortsale with cash his girls made him) and not let her eat for days. He will keep all her money she makes from the sodomy video and buy more shit to impress a new girl.

    Pam, I don't want this to happen to you, so please do not come here.

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  113. kinkyb!tch:

    I trust Porn Dentist more that I trusted Porn Trout, and she made it out of Florida in fine shape.

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  114. Is this guy's Porn name Ari? I believe he works for the dirty also.. hahaha

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  115. Anonymous:

    I see where you are going with your logic there, and normally I would completely agree, but he sent her a picture of a $750,000 ride and said he owns it.

    So of course that means he does.

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  116. It might just be Ari. But I think Ari is completely legit. I don't think that guy would ever pull a scam or anything.

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  117. Dude sent her a picture of his "car",, haha oh yeah that's totally legit

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  118. Of course it is. I'm going to look up a home in Isleworth and send it out to people. And then I'm going to say I live there in my off season.

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  119. haha,, Yeah seriously.. I'm going to upload some pic's of my "vacation pad" in St Barts,, I'll say it's one of my four properties.. I'll pull mad strange..haha. Send it out to 100 chicks and 5 crazy pam's will respond

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  120. Oh and you like my Lambo? It's my weekend car..
    hahaha

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  121. Hey, that's a damn good idea. I mean, that's a 5% return.

    That's as good as a CD.

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  122. All you have is a Lambo?

    I have a train.

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  123. Well you're in luck.. Cause we all know Pam loves Trains..

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  124. I prefer my Bently as my everyday ride.. You know less flashy

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  125. I guess it's kind of what my sales manager use to say about lead's.. It's a number games.. Throw a bunch of darts out there and a couple will stick.. You know abc..

    Maybe this guy is like a Ho Broker

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  126. You know Nasa's out here.. That's where I keep my Shuttle

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  127. That's funny man. The market must be bad right now.

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  128. Oh yeah? We have an Air Force Base here. That's where I keep my F-18.

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  129. ... kbeezy, thanks for the shout out...
    still not sure how I'm your favorite commentor, but better to be #1 and not know why, then drop to #7 from wanting to know...

    as for the party, it should be crazy nuts...
    I have 2 bands playing, and they are sending a flyer out all over friggen' myspace and facebook, as well as on their email lists...

    so I'm seeing another ticket and cover picture the news paper after this party...

    so it should be worth it!


    ha

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  130. ... spurs... since you know I leave easter eggs... that was also for you...


    enjoy...



    - chef -

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  131. What's up CHEF? Another cover picture on the newspaper?

    Aim high man!

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  132. That was great CHEF. Thanks for leaving that easter egg for me. That's funny.

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  133. I hope you were responsible and paid your debt to society.

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  134. ... back then, that night, the reporter (Ashley Lowery) kept trying to take my picture, and I kept smiling... It kind of ticked her off, and she asked my why I kept smiling...
    I told her that I was "pretty proud of the party and this actually made my night."

    so she took another pic as soon as I signed the ticket...
    and I think that's why she wouldn't put "Chef" as my middle name in the article...



    - chef -

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  135. I didn't see that part in there CHEF. Let me go back and look. That's funny.

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  136. No date tonight Spursie? I just rubbed one out to Nellie Fat Ass Fataldo from the Olympic ceremony

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  137. What's up Drew? I didn't know she was going to sing tonight. Did she look hot or what?

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