Pennsylvania police have charged a central Pennsylvania man with public drunkenness after he was seen giving mouth-to-mouth "resuscitation" to a long-dead opossum along a highway.
Trooper Jamie Levier says several witnesses saw 55-year-old Donald Wolfe, of Brookville, near the animal along Route 36 in Oliver Township Thursday about 3 p.m. The trooper says one person saw Wolfe kneeling before the animal and gesturing as though he were conducting a seance, while another saw the mouth-to-mouth attempt.
Levier says Wolfe was "extremely intoxicated" and "did have his mouth in the area of the animal's mouth, I guess."
All the guy was trying to do was bring a dead animal back to life and they arrest him? Not cool.
My sister gave her teddy bear hampster mouth to mouth once... Herbie survived the ordeal only to be later pulled into the fish tank and drowned by my sister's Oscar, "Oscar"
ReplyDeleteWhat the hell kind of animal did your sister have in her fish tank?
ReplyDeleteAn alligator? What pulled Herbie into the fish tank?
Oh, and hello Streets.
ReplyDeleteAn oscar, duh.
ReplyDeletehttp://thumbs.dreamstime.com/thumb_363/1233949866UBr3Wd.jpg
Hi Sours.
EXCUSE me, Steve Irwin.
ReplyDeleteBut hello Skeets, how's your weekend going?
ReplyDeleteIt's the crocodile hunter to you sir!
ReplyDeleteEhhhh I got in a couple of arguments w/ FMB this weekend... now I'm ignoring him. Good news is I am drinking a chelada and that makes the world look bright no matter what.
Trouble in paradise huh?
ReplyDeleteBummer. May as well tell Barry Bonds to get lost Skeets.
But if you want to keep spinning your wheels, go right ahead. It seeems like the pathetic thing to do, so yeah, do that.
ReplyDeleteYeah... I don't think I can be with someone who's views are so different from mine. Last night we discussed abortion and I ended up sleeping on the couch cause he made me so angry.
ReplyDeleteLet me guess:
ReplyDeleteHe's opposed to it. And were you over at his place? Or did you sleep on your own couch?
Sours be nice to me I am in a fragile state right now... I am considering moving to San Anotnio and dating you.
ReplyDeleteI slept on my own couch and yes he opposed to it.
ReplyDeleteWell, I'm not in a "fragile state", so needless to say there's no invite.
ReplyDeleteYou slept on your own couch and he slept in your bed?
ReplyDeleteLAME.
Skeets:
ReplyDeleteActually, I offer you an invite to move down here with me. You can be my doormat.
be honest Sours, you would have to be at your strongest to resist me and even then your attempts would be futile
ReplyDeletehey doormat would be a step-up from my life now... my plane arrives tonight.
ReplyDelete"Futile?"
ReplyDeleteWhat would you do? Attack me?
I'd invite you to move down here Skeets, but I'm not sure you could actually earn your keep.
ReplyDeleteshut up only RQ is allowed to clown on my vocabulary choices.
ReplyDeleteSours I realize that for someone with such low self-worth (such as yourself) just kicking your dog isnt enough, you really need someone to be your doormat... that's why I offered. I'm just trying to be helpful.
ReplyDeleteActually I don't have a low self worth. And that's why I'm not inviting you down here, because I want to avoid having one.
ReplyDeleteI just noticed blood drops on the double yellow line, dumbass passed in a no passing zone.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'll "clown" on you anyway I see fit Skeets.
ReplyDeleteYeah he did. He was probably drunk.
ReplyDeleteWhat's up Spurs, Elfie?
ReplyDeleteI think I want to take a nap... come spoon with me Sours?
ReplyDeleteHey EV.
ReplyDeleteWhat's up EV? Long time no see man. How have you been?
ReplyDeleteYeah I'll come "spoon" with you Skeets, but we'll end up doing more than that. And then you'll pay me.
ReplyDeleteI've been doing alright, Spurs.
ReplyDeleteThat's good man. Have you been getting work?
ReplyDeleteSours, there are your delusions and then there's reality, you should really learn how to tell the difference.. this isn't healthy.
ReplyDeleteYou should take your own advice Skeets. I mean it's pretty delusional to think I'd come over just to spoon with you.
ReplyDeleteAnd the reality is I'd end up smashing you.
ReplyDeletethen I'd pay you... didn't you already tell this fairytale like 5 mins ago?
ReplyDeleteYou seem a little slow Skeets, just wanted to remind you.
ReplyDeleteYeah. This week sucked. Juiced myself a few times, once really good on Friday. Had to work Saturday, that sucked. I don't think there was ever a time when everyone was more collectively pissed than yesterday.
ReplyDeleteWhy? Because you guys had to work on a Saturday? And what do you mean "juiced" yourself? Like shocked yourself or what?
ReplyDeleteI need to clean out my garage... i think I'm going to post an ad on craigslist saying "free crap" and put down my neighbors address since no one lives there.
ReplyDeletehttp://tucson.craigslist.org/zip/1665595449.html
The last few lines of this ad made me laugh.
Shocked, yes.
ReplyDeleteBecause at least four of us had plans for Saturday and were told we had to work at the end of the week, as usual. We're about done with this job so we came in the extra day to finish up what was left, and expected to be out by 9:00. Well, everything that was left was shit that had been put on the back burner because it needed troubleshooting. Nothing went smooth, hit a new issue at every turn and after a full shift, we still weren't finished.
That was pretty good.
ReplyDeleteSo do you have to finish it up tomorrow or what EV?
ReplyDeleteSkeets:
ReplyDeleteDid you end up going to the wash? (sand pit?)
no, my kids ended up going to see their Nana for a BBQ at the park so I'm all alone
ReplyDeleteSo what are you doing? Watching porn?
ReplyDeleteOr playing with yourself?
ReplyDeleteI was sitting here eating a some microwave thing from Trader Joes and wishing I could go to sleep but I cant... my friend is bringing her kids over here in just a little bit.
ReplyDeleteNo, I'm at a different site tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteIs she bringing the kids over so you'll have someone to interract with Skeets?
ReplyDeleteThat's cool EV, at least you have been busy.
ReplyDeleteEV:
ReplyDeleteAnd I saw where the Eagles seem serious about trading McNabb.
No Sours... they are going to a no kids allowed wedding
ReplyDeleteCool. So what are you and the kids going to do? Are you going to tell them about your problems or what?
ReplyDeleteYeah Sours I'm going to have them counsel me.We are going to go pick up my kids and then my kids and her kids are going to play.
ReplyDeleteSimpson's are on sluts.. Only on FOX
ReplyDeleteWell Skeets, it's always good to be counseled by your peers.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous:
ReplyDeleteI have no idea why Skeets calls me Sours. It's apparent she's not using her head.
As far as the Simpsons? Well, I'm watching the Spurs play EV's bandwagon team the Celtics.
ReplyDelete"Yeah I'll come "spoon" with you Skeets, but we'll end up doing more than that. And then you'll pay me."
ReplyDeleteSpurs is a prostidude
I am. My going rate is 88 cents.
ReplyDeleteI think if I get a beer in you... maybe half a beer, you'd give up for free.. to CBT
ReplyDeleteDid the girlfriend ever find out about him trying to bang you?
ReplyDeleteAnd what did his girlfriend think about his homophobic and racist family?
"I think if I get a beer in you... maybe half a beer, you'd give up for free.. to CBT"
ReplyDeleteHilarious Astrid.
I was drinking... not very drunk, because, you know, I can handle alcohol. It was planned earlier that I was going to sleep at his parents house, and they didn't care because they knew me since I was little and I lived far away.
ReplyDeleteAfter he tried to force himself on me.. I was pissed and wondering if I should try to drive home.. I slept there though.
I told him to knock it off and that I wanted to sleep, but he insisted that we watch TV. It was all because he was being controlling and he was afraid his pregnant gf would get up and talk to me.
I don't know what she thought of his family..
That was a beautiful story Astrid.
ReplyDeleteIt was funny how they kept talking about abortion being so wrong. I think if his sister was raped or got pregnant by a black guy, they would be all for abortion then... I can't see them welcoming a little mixed baby into their family..
ReplyDeleteDid you know they were racist growing up?
ReplyDeleteThe guy actually cautioned me not to eat at a certain McDonald's. I asked him why, and he said... because every person who works there is black!!!
ReplyDeleteBefore all that happened I didn't see him for about 3 or 4 years, because he joined the military...
I always knew his family was homophobic... but I didn't know they were racist
ReplyDeleteSo what did you do this weekend Astrid?
ReplyDeleteI mostly worked and went shopping for Easter..
ReplyDeletespurs... you have any stories like that... drunk, prego chicks trying to have sex with you or anything??
ReplyDeletenow see, if this opossum had died a little further south the story would have been, 'man tires to fuck then marry dead opossum.'
ReplyDeletebut dont laugh, thats not funny or original because im a fag.
Nope Astrid, no drunk pregnant chicks trying to have sex with me.
ReplyDeleteyeah, i know. i think im just gonna sit in the internet corner and weep all day. i also bet nik richie shit his pants when wilford brimley threatened his life.
ReplyDelete"Wilford Bremley?"
ReplyDeleteThat's funny.
Nik's probably going to post a suicide tweet over on gay ass Twitter.
ReplyDeletespurs, if the lead man from 'cocoon' emailed you wouldnt you be scared?
ReplyDeleteThat's hilarious. And yes, I'd be shivering in a little ball in the corner of the room.
ReplyDeletejust imagine a a fuzzy faced white haired old man in a stolen wal-mart scooter coming up your driveway. wow...what do you do?
ReplyDeleteI'd think, "This old coot is barking up the wrong tree."
ReplyDeletewell now imagine that same old coot is wearing bell bottoms and a very oversized denim robe....with a bucket on his head. scared now?
ReplyDeleteI'd be suicidal at that point.
ReplyDeleteso what did you do this weekend?
ReplyDeleteNot much. I mean nothing all that exciting.
ReplyDeleteHow about you?
i really hope that tom bosley never emails me a death threat. because i could always forward that and have the dumb fuck arrested and charges brought up against them, if i so chose to do so.
ReplyDeleteso astrid left huh? maybe shes posting titty pics on /b/?
me? not much happened this weekend...just kinda hung out and did a whole lot of nothing. jacked off to a bunch of gay porn tho.
ReplyDeleteTom Bosley?
ReplyDeleteThat's fitting, being he's part of that scam EMC or whatever it is.
oh, also i am learning how to dance like missy elliot in that 'gossip folks' video.
ReplyDelete"jacked off to a bunch of gay porn tho."
ReplyDeleteHow did that go for you?
my nuts hurt...badly.
ReplyDeleteReally? Must have done the trick then.
ReplyDeleteyup...drained like a tub with dirty water.
ReplyDeleteNice description.
ReplyDeleteWhat is /b/?
ReplyDeleteWhat's up Bitchhog? I saw on the other post you got back from your trip.
ReplyDeleteAnd /b/ is on 4chan.com.
ReplyDeleteGo there at your own risk.
Actually it's on 4chan.org
ReplyDeleteYes. It was wonderful! I now have a full brazilian tan!
ReplyDeleteHow are you Spurs?
I'm doing good thanks. So did you do some skiing or what?
ReplyDeleteI was in Rio de Janeiro...
ReplyDeleteand I don't fruit boot. I snowboard...
Oh damn, I thought you went to Tahoe.
ReplyDeleteAnd yeah, I know you snowboard.
I have a feeling that I should not check out that site. Can you give me the rundown?
ReplyDeleteIt's considered the "asshole of the internet" among other things.
ReplyDeleteSo what all did you do in Rio?
ReplyDeletehi bh. :flaps wrist:
ReplyDeleteI'm sure she appreciates that Anonymous.
ReplyDeleteI meant to wish you a happy b-day BH!
ReplyDeleteSours~ Fuck you
Astrid~ we agree on a lot of things but 2 pretty heated subjects (religion and abortion) we do not agree. He got so angry and kept saying "no person has the right to end another life!" LMFAO
oh yeah...i want to know if she has her asshole tanned as well? i hope not because a tanned asshole looks like it has never been wiped. also, does she have a brazilian wax?
ReplyDeleteWell, hello anon! :flips hair:
ReplyDeleteWhat was the "Fuck you" for Skeets?
ReplyDeletebh, i would so flirt with you but since i get more cock than a rooster farm can we exchange beauty secrets?
ReplyDeleteanon, did you come out in here?
ReplyDeleteHe did Bitchhog. CBT helped him.
ReplyDeleteno...cbt just assumed it, so it must be true. hillbilly wisdom or something like that.
ReplyDeletesomething to the effect that if youre a good looking guy then youre gay.
ReplyDeleteno wonder cbt is straight. have you seen how ugly he is?
Good measure.
ReplyDeleteTerrible Skeets, terrible.
ReplyDeleteel oh el.
ReplyDelete"All?"
ReplyDeleteGive me a break Bitchhog.
I would love to exchange secrets with you, anon. But, I don't have any. I'm just naturally a gorgeous woman.
ReplyDeleteI do need some anti-aging secrets though...if anyone has any....
ReplyDeleteHGH would probably work Bitchhog.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Elfie! My birthday was wonderful!
ReplyDeletehttps://www.wintersun.com/QC/?p=productsMore&iProduct=170&sName=Power-Repair-Face-Cream
ReplyDeleteis good stuff, smells like fermenting lemons though.
Will that also make me grow a mustache? because it seems to be all the rage right now.
ReplyDeletebh, well do you have any advice on how to keep my eyebrows from getting out of shape? wax? tweeze?
ReplyDeleteI thought urine would be thrown in for sure. horse semen though? do you get that from CBT's mouth, anon?
ReplyDeletecbt can shit out buckets of horse semen. but he charges an arm and leg for shipping.
ReplyDeleteI was using dermologica, but that shit doesn't do a damn thing. doesn't even clean well.
ReplyDeletetweeze a bit between waxing.
ReplyDeletewhat about threading? have you ever tried that?
ReplyDeleteElfie, where are you finding all of these duds? Have you been using match.com?
ReplyDeleteshes been on craigslist.
ReplyDeleteIf he is a religious kook you need to get rid of him Elfie... especially if he is Mormon
ReplyDeleteanon, no.
ReplyDeleteI need to retire. It's back to the real world for me tomorrow and I am exhausted. (If you can call it the real world.)
good night bh.
ReplyDeleteElfie, you should only date people that are vacationing or living temporarily in the area. Then you know they are leaving soon enough.
ReplyDeleteGood night Bitchhog.
ReplyDeleteastrid, shall we talk about wine......and dicks?
ReplyDeleteAstrid:
ReplyDeleteI say Streets just hangs around him longer. He'll bolt after awhile on his own.
sweetest dreams, anon.
ReplyDeleteI just realized it is just after 8. I feel like CBT now.
just invite him over for dinner then fart while you eat. certain turn off for any man.
ReplyDeleteWhat do you have to do in the morning Bitchhog? Tend to the chickens and cows?
ReplyDeletewait, wine and dicks? I may have gotten a second wind!
ReplyDeleteI say Streets just hangs around him longer. He'll bolt after awhile on his own.
ReplyDeleteWhy do you say that spurs?? You really can't figure out why she said "fuck you?"..
I want to go to Brazil...
ReplyDeleteBH.. was it nice?
I've never used that... I used to use strivectin but it didnt work that well and made my skin completely greasy feeling.
ReplyDeleteI use this too, it works really well
http://devita.net/products/ProductView.mgi2?mgiToken=4EO34OI36MI2OJO27L&ID=DHP
bh, have you ever licked nuts while sipping merlot?
ReplyDeleteNothing, Spurs. I wanted to go to the beach, but it is supposed to rain.
ReplyDeleteIf it rains, I'll just be on here all day.
what about freeze 24-7?
ReplyDeleteIt's a good way to gain wisdom Bitchhog.
ReplyDeleteDon't even bother with that dermologica shit, Elf. I paid way too much, yet the drugstore has more effective products.
ReplyDeletedo you like nutsacks and merlot anon?
ReplyDeleteyeah, you learn to learn.
ReplyDeleteastrid, maybe i do.....and maybe I DO!
ReplyDeleteyeah, oil of olay.
ReplyDeleteAnon, i do not like salt or hair with my merlot.
ReplyDeleteactually i prefer cognac over wine.
ReplyDeleteis Devita a peel off mask or is it a chemical peel??
ReplyDeletehe's not mormon, he's the type of christian that talk in tongues and get the "spirit" and dance around like fools.
ReplyDeleteSours~ I've been really mean to him and he still keeps coming back.
It's a chemical peel.
ReplyDeleteelfie, youre dating a snake dancing religious freak?
ReplyDeleteYou are just hard to resist Skeets, that's why he keeps coming back to you.
ReplyDeleteBe assertive, Elfie! get him outta there before you actually witness the spirit.
ReplyDeleteOil of Olady.
ReplyDeleteim telling you elfie, let him catch you doing a couple of buttercups and he will leave.
ReplyDeleteI have my own mosturizer if any of you ladies are interested. Just close your eyes.
ReplyDeleteReally, Spurs? and I thought you were the classy one.....
ReplyDeleteI guess Drew is now.
Yeah I need to... it kind of sucks though cause he really is a nice guy, just not for me.
ReplyDeleteis it packed with protein?
ReplyDeleteHe is classy now Bitchhog. He rented an H2, so that means he's full of class.
ReplyDeleteIt's packed with protein. 100% daily allowance.
ReplyDeletewait what are buttercups?
ReplyDeleteElfie... get some pentagrams and decorate your house with satanic artwork... that might work, but if it doesn't your screwed. He'll could get his church to visit you with holy water and try to save you...
ReplyDeleteIt's a risk...
give some to kb, spurs. she likes that kinda stuff.
ReplyDeletebuttercups are when you fart in your hand and sniff them.
ReplyDeleteKinkyb!tch does like that kind of stuff. Until it's time to do it, and then she chickens out.
ReplyDeleteThe average caloric content is 15 cals...
ReplyDeleteFYI:
http://www.dontspitswallow.com/cum_nutrition.shtml
elfie, take a shit with the door open and let him walk in on you. that should make him leave.
ReplyDeleteThere is something I am missing here, Elfie. Is he hot or something?
ReplyDeleteWhat is classy about being a pot head, basketball fan with a blog??
ReplyDelete"buttercups are when you fart in your hand and sniff them."
ReplyDeleteIs that what they are?
in comparison with the rest of the dudes 'round here, Spurs was a gent.
ReplyDeleteWHere is Sir Drew?
He already thinks I am the devil incarnate sent to make him sin... but he keeps coming, I don't think satanic implements are going to work.
ReplyDeleteI don't know where he is Bitchhog. I don't know where he's been.
ReplyDeletebh, elfie said he looks like jared leto in chapter 27.
ReplyDeleteAstrid, I am curious. How did you find such an obscure site that is so neatly tucked into oblivion?
ReplyDeleteI know somebody who couldn't get a girl to leave him alone... He kept trying to break it off, but she wouldn't accept it. She wanted to be friends, whatever. She would not leave.
ReplyDeleteWe had a serious talk about him telling her that he was gay so she would leave him alone..
So what did he do Astrid? I need something to say to Bitchhog so she'll leave me alone.
ReplyDeleteWhat are you going to do spurs.. call me fat like you do DG?
ReplyDeletei know im no gent. thats for fucking sure. but i can fuck...really, really good.
ReplyDeleteUh-oh... Sours is going to DESTROY you Astrid. PFFFT
ReplyDeleteBH... I found it from thedirty
ReplyDeleteI never really call DG fat, I just say she has a big chin.
ReplyDeleteShut up Skeets.
ReplyDeleteI never talked shit to you either spurs... but you called me a dyke, cat lady and stuff like that
ReplyDeleteDid I? I don't know why I did that.
ReplyDelete