Thursday, March 11, 2010

Heidi Montag is good for a laugh. Hires psychic to be her manager


From People.com:

Spencer Pratt, who has managed the couple since the day they met nearly five years ago – when Montag was 19 years old – is being replaced with a Malibu-based psychic named Aiden Chase, the reality star tells PEOPLE.

"After the incredible experiences I have had healing my life and truly connecting to my dreams with healer intuitive Aiden Chase, I have officially asked him to become my manager," Montag says. "Having an intuitive psychic leading my team gives me an edge no one else has."

No doubt Heidi, no doubt. Here, I'll play your psychic: You have serious mental issues and every album you make for here on out will bomb. You should consider porn. Also, Spencer is a loser you will divorce in five years or less.

That will be $500.

360 comments:

  1. Hahah that one was OK I guess... but it could have used some pizazz.

    ReplyDelete
  2. "Pizazz" huh?

    I guess I could have thrown in some exclamation points.

    And really, is that what your major is going to be? Journalism? Or was that a joke?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh, and have you decided what you are going to do next week?

    ReplyDelete
  4. I answered question #1 on the other post. Next week I am going to work, I talked to them about taking off part of the week and they shot it down.

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  5. I should be your manager Skeets.

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  6. Yeah...I can't believe I put up with them for so long. It wasn't always this bad though, just the past year or so, they made some bad financial decisions just prior to the downturn and now take their frustration out on me. You know even though I was out sick today they are calling me and harassing me? They are the reason I was awoken from drug induced sleep! They tried to get me to come in at 12, but f that. I didn't sleep at all last night and I cant drive if I wanted to, I'm high on pain meds and having visual migraine issues.

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  7. You've been working there a few years right?

    And how many days would you say you've taken off in the past year?

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  8. I'll come work for you Sours. There are 2 jobs I am applying for, apps are due by the 18th. One I am really interested in and I fit all the requirements... actually the job is pretty much what I do now, just at a better place and I'll make over 1/3 more than I currently do plus benefits, which I get none of currently.

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  9. I've worked there 4 yrs and the past year including a planned (but unpaid) vacation I'd say a week or less.

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  10. That deadline is next Thursday Skeets. I really hope you apply for the jobs.

    And I'll hire you. $4 an hour. But you get some cock too if you play your cards right, and you can't put a dollar amount on that.

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  11. Spurs, you're probably right about me taking that gig in Monterrey. I don't think they can throw enough money at me to get me to move to Cali.

    Something tells me that the Ozarks are the place to be for the next few years. Being able to shoot and grow your own food and having ample fresh water may very well become important assets, as well as being in an area with little or no minority population. I think the economy isn't done falling apart and being near Mexico ain't gonna be a good thing. There's a major issue with solar storms coming up in the two years and we have no idea what effect it will have on our technology since the last time there were solar storms of this expected magnitude was 150 years ago and we really didn't much in the way of technology.

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  12. "Something tells me that the Ozarks are the place to be for the next few years. Being able to shoot and grow your own food and having ample fresh water may very well become important assets, as well as being in an area with little or no minority population. I think the economy isn't done falling apart and being near Mexico ain't gonna be a good thing."

    Man, that's funny you wrote that, because I was thinking that the other day too. I was thinking, "Maybe I should be nicer to CBT, when Obama and his crew kill of the economy completely, I might need a place to go."

    I really was thinking that where you live would be a great place to be, so if shit goes to hell, I hope you'd invite me up.

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  13. Cock Sours? What you have in your pants has a name and it is not "cock"... mangina is more like it. hahah kidding.

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  14. Ooooooo. That was such an insult Skeets, I'm so glad you wrote "kidding" at the end.

    My day would have been ruined.

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  15. We can set up a webcam CBT and make Skeets earn her keep.

    Now I know you don't have enough game to convince her to do that, but I do CBT.

    ReplyDelete
  16. hey now!

    If anyone is givin skeets tha cock its gone be me ya heard?

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  17. I hear you Wopness, I'd only give it to her so she would feel like she's at least earning her keep.

    It would be like charity, because I'm nice like that.

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  18. "Elfie said...

    Invite me too."

    You've had an open invitation for awhile now Elfie. You'd be a good woman to ride the river with.

    Spurs, you've got an invite, too. So does DG, Pam, Wop, Chef, RQ and even BH, provided she gives good head. The Scottsdale Anonymous is pretty much fucked.

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  19. "You have serious mental issues..."

    You enjoy the comments left by people such as "SPAMela", but think Heidi Montag has "serious mental issues"? That's a bit ass-backwards in my opinion.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Charity? ppfffffffffftttt right. Don't lie, it would be the best day of your life.

    ReplyDelete
  21. "SPURS FAN said...

    We can set up a webcam CBT and make Skeets earn her keep.

    Now I know you don't have enough game to convince her to do that, but I do CBT."

    Elfie can earn her keep, but that ain't how.

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  22. CBT:

    I hope you'd save a parcel of land to grow some weed.

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  23. Elfie could make me raise my age limit, just sayin'.

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  24. "Anonymous":

    Let me help you out here. SPAMela is a spoof of someone.

    ReplyDelete
  25. "SPURS FAN said...

    CBT:

    I hope you'd save a parcel of land to grow some weed."

    Howdy Doody got wood balls, Spurs?

    Not to sound like Hank, Jr. but I can make my own whiskey and my own smoke, too, for real.

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  26. What do you mean "make" your own smoke?

    You mean growing it? Yeah, a lot of people can do that CBT.

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  27. Point well taken. But even so, a deranged one.

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  28. I'm gonna try to brew some beer this summer and make some wine outta possum grapes (muscadines, to you flatlanders).

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  29. I'm pretty sure the person isn't "deranged" though.

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  30. So CBT, how was it with Flo last night?

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  31. Lotsa folks can grow it, I can grow it well.

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  32. Mandi, not Flo. I love eating 20 year old pussy, I truly do.

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  33. In these spare bedrooms you have at your place, they have good locks right?

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  34. I would make another comparison to the same effect, but I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. (I doubt it would anyway, considering the overall nature of the site but still...)

    ReplyDelete
  35. "the overall nature of the site"??

    Sounds like someone doesn't really care for the "nature" of the site.

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  36. I gotta go earn, folks. It's also karaoke night at the Arena, so I probably won't see y'all again til tomorrow.

    I think Drew actually believes all the shit Beck, Limbaugh, Hannity and O'Reilly spew. Kinda sad. They're the Al Sharptons of the Conservative movement.

    All y'all buy up 7.62X39 ammo. I'll have the implements to load it in waiting for you. Oh yaeh, learn to sing "Dixie", too.

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  37. What do you mean Anon... I want to know what you want to say cause I am nosey like that.

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  38. Later on CBT. And "karaoke night?"

    GAY.

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  39. Anon:

    I second Elfie's sentiment

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  40. CBT:

    I second Spurs sentiment

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  41. Wopness, have you ever sung karaoke?

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  42. Would it be "sang" or "sung?"

    Either way, you get I'm asking.

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  43. Funny, neither have I. And CBT isn't a fag (I really think he is, but I need to be nice just in case Arkansas ends up being a good escape plan).

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  44. Take it how you wish, but that's not what I meant. I just meant that I doubt it would hurt anyone's feelings that I find it strange you haven't commented on their bizarre behavior/mental instability, yet you're ragging on Montag.

    The reason is the because the "overall nature" of the site involves cutting each other down and talking shit, so my comment would seem mild in comparison to what's been said to them before on here... sheesh.

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  45. Is that the Anon with the Sister who does MMA?

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  46. Anonymous:

    Well, maybe explaining who "they" or "their" is supposed to be might clear it up a little.

    Sheesh.

    ReplyDelete
  47. No EV, this is a different Anonymous.

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  48. Where is Astrid from? I was talking to a girl for a while who really wanted to get into MMA, and had trained at one of the fighting gyms in Chandlerfornia.

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  49. Wopness,

    Karaoke Bear isn't a fag. He just likes to sing Boy George.

    ReplyDelete
  50. She's from the U.S. EV.

    I would say, but I hate to divulge info on where people live, but when she's around again I'm sure she'll say if you ask.

    ReplyDelete
  51. It's no one commenting right now. Actually I'll just be honest, I was referring to the person SPAMela is a spoof of. Maybe she does it intentionally for shock value or attention but some of the things she has come out with at times sound beyond bizarre. So much to the point that it seems like she MUST be joking but I dunno. Anywho, no big deal really...

    ReplyDelete
  52. I just wanted a general regional location, not their address and SSN.

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  53. Sours~ Anon is obviously making a blanket statement... "they" and "their"= all of us, we are all meanies and the nature of the site is to be mean. DUH

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  54. No Elfie, if my last comment wasn't clear enough I was talking about Pam. And not about her being a "meanie", about her sounding wack aka mental issues at times. But like I said, it may be an act, more than likely it is sooo... No Biggie

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  55. I think for the most part it's an act.

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  56. I would never fuck you Sours, not because you are hideous or an asshole or whatever but because it would just make you too danm happy... and we cannot have that.

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  57. Skeets:

    "Happy?" If by "happy" you mean wondering where it all went wrong for me and suicidal, yeah, it would be as if I won the lottery.

    ReplyDelete
  58. Anon~ I posted that before your last comment posted... comment posting is slow today. Just so we understand that was more a f you to Sours, I wasn't really contemplating what you were trying to say. Pump your brakes yo.

    ReplyDelete
  59. Anon:

    Don't pay any attention to Skeets, she's way out in left field when it comes to rational thinking.

    ReplyDelete
  60. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AhPkfX4CHf0&feature=related


    for your Sours...

    ReplyDelete
  61. Thanks for that Skeets. I'll have to wait and listen to it when I get home, just like I had to wait and listen to that ex of yours sing the worst shit ever in the most shitty video of all time.

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  62. Completely off topic of the subject of the post here, but does anyone think Heidi looks good after her surgeries? I was going to write she looks pretty good, but there's something off about her.

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  63. Meh, I'd prefer a girl who hasn't undergone hours upon hours of cosmetic surgery. I'm not very big on fake boobs, either.

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  64. "Meh, I'd prefer a girl who hasn't undergone hours upon hours of cosmetic surgery."

    Yep, I agree. I think she looked better before.

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  65. YOure welcome... all it says is you need to learn to control your bitches and to pump ya brakes. THat is all

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  66. She was ugly and awkward looking before... she looked good after her first surgeries, now she looks like a 40 yr old divorcee.

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  67. I think you have a lot of talent being able to pick songs to get your point across to people Skeets. You are really amazing (that wasn't sarcasm at all, I think I really am going to start being nice on here).

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  68. I thought she looked better before, too...

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  69. I realize I am pretty amazing... I have many talents I have yet to reveal.

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  70. I'm really annoyed right now... really annoyed cause this guy I was wanting to ask me out is in a flippin relationship as of yesterday (on facebook update) FML MAN! F-M-L!

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  71. Elfie, is he a member of the FB page "If you don't want to be in a relationship then don't cheat, it's that simple"? If not, go ahead and hit on him, I bet he will accept.

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  72. I want to *smash* Elfie

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  73. Eazy-guess who propositioned me this past weekend for a threesome?!
    You and NTA were right..it was my guy friend who I said preferred our friendship over anything else that could occur between us.

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  74. Streets:

    What happened to Fire Marshall Bill?

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  75. From here on out I will listen to any and all advice you or he have for me.

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  76. STFU drew.. you are too old, you will never be on the cast of "Jersey Shore" no matter how bad you want it

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  77. Kinkyb!tch:

    So not only is the guy not a good friend, he doesn't have any standards?

    Not cool.

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  78. Probably should have asked him out?

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  79. I'm really annoyed right now..really annoyed cause this site is effing up again and I am talking to myself here.

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  80. Wopness:

    I don't think that was really Drew, but yeah, you can tell that dude wants to be on Jersey Shore.

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  81. Kinkyb!tch:

    Well, don't give up. I "talked" to you on a comment above yours. Just be patient for 30 seconds tops and you'll have someone to respond to.

    ReplyDelete
  82. So really Streets, what happened to that one guy? Did he end up being a shithead or what?

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  83. Did he really, kb? I'm curious how this guy transitioned from friend to threesome occupant?

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  84. Fire Marshall Bill is still around... but I get bored easily and he isn't able to keep my attention long. Besides we haev not had the relationship discussion, I mean other than him asking me to marry him. I figure we aren't committed yet. ANd yeah maybe I should have asked him out EV.

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  85. Those usually are the transitional materials of choice, Spurs.

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  86. KB~ This is what I have learned... no guy (and some girls) just want to be your friend for the sake of being your friend.

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  87. Well, just keep FMB around as a back up plan Streets.

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  88. haha That's mean Spurs.

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  89. Check out the bitterness (truth) coming out in Streets.

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  90. I didn't do it..coughcoughIreallywantedtothoughcoughcough.
    Spurs, is that why you stopped smoking? Too many threesomes with good friends? I have a really big mouth, I mean like, bigger than it is now when I drink. I will stop after the 17th.

    ReplyDelete
  91. I thought all girls kept around a "backup plan"?

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  92. Yeah I know, Elfie.
    I am the exception to that rule though. I will be your friend, no 3somes or motorboats required.

    ReplyDelete
  93. "kb said...

    Yeah I know, Elfie.
    I am the exception to that rule though. I will be your friend, no 3somes or motorboats required."

    Yeah until fucking pancho rodriguez tells you two "rucas" he wants a "Nombre grupo de tres" then you two taco groupies will jump all over that taquito

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  94. Yeah, you can't keep someone on the back burner while you look for the next best thing, that is just wrong.

    ReplyDelete
  95. What do these hoo-ahs and taco beel patrons have in common?

    when they are hungry they run for the border

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  96. Kb~ I am glad cause I could use a friend that doesn't try to sleep with me. I made 4 friends in the last 2 yrs who got all creepy on me. Actually now that I think about it all 3 of my best friends have drunkenly propositioned me too.

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  97. I was just asking Spurs..settle down. Sometimes it relaxes you a bit too much, so I thought maybe you made a bad decision or two.

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  98. Streets:

    Didn't you say all your friends are guys? Maybe you should change that.

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  99. I'm "settled" kinkyb!tch, I was just answering your question.

    ReplyDelete
  100. "Elfie said...

    Kb~ I am glad cause I could use a friend that doesn't try to sleep with me. I made 4 friends in the last 2 yrs who got all creepy on me. Actually now that I think about it all 3 of my best friends have drunkenly propositioned me too."

    Here's a fucking hint: Try not hanging out with greasy beaners

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  101. "kb said...

    I was just asking Spurs..settle down. Sometimes it relaxes you a bit too much, so I thought maybe you made a bad decision or two."

    and what relaxes you? I mean besides a sex offending burrito up your culo

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  102. I am talking about women... all of them.

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  103. Your women friends propositioned you Streets?

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  104. "SPURS FAN said...

    I hope you robbed her too prick."

    Yeah I got a box of tic-tacs, $3, a melted Lifestyle, and the clap

    ReplyDelete
  105. "Elfie said...

    I am talking about women... all of them."

    You fucked lupita AND hector?

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  106. Listening to alter egos relaxes me, Evil.

    ReplyDelete
  107. That shit is hilarious.

    Keeping someone on the back burner is wrong, but chicks still do it. They say they don't, and sometimes even convince themselves they don't. But it happens.

    kb - You wanted it? So why did it not happen?

    ReplyDelete
  108. Elfie-does that include Fargo girl?

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  109. so do you think your girlfriend has someone on the back burner, Eazy?
    And if chicks do it, then guys probably do as well, so who is your back burner chick?

    ReplyDelete
  110. It does KB.. if she ever comes on here ask her, she's very open with the fact that she wants to f me.

    ReplyDelete
  111. "kb said...

    Listening to alter egos relaxes me, Evil."

    Cool. Hey listen if I change my name to espuela malo, could I use your box as a dumpster for my sémen?

    ReplyDelete
  112. What's her e-mail address Streets?

    ReplyDelete
  113. haha I'm not giving you her email address on here Sours

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  114. SHe's one of my best friends and nothing ever happened.

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  115. Evil, I don't even know spanish. Spew your venom in english if you can.

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  116. you didn't even touch her tittays, Elfie? Cause they looked soft in that one pic of her..

    ReplyDelete
  117. I'll ask her to come on here later.

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  118. oh man..did you guys hear that in UT legislation was signed today to allow charges of murder against women who have miscarriages ?

    ReplyDelete
  119. Yeah..slippery slope
    http://www.alternet.org/rights/145956/utah_governor_signs_controversial_law_charging_women_and_girls_with_murder_for_miscarriages?page=2

    ReplyDelete
  120. So are they going to investigate every miscarriage for signs that it was induced by reckless behavior?! 40% of pregnancies end in miscarriage, how is enforcement of this law even feasible? And wont this just put the health of more women at risk because they will be less apt to seek medical attention after a miscarriage for fear of being prosecuted for something?

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  121. Yeah, how in the world would they ever enforce that?

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  122. I guess if a woman goes to the hospital and they're miscarrying and a drug screen comes up pos or their boyfriend has beat them up they will prosecute

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  123. Yeah I mean I can see how trying to get someone to kill your healthy 7 month fetus is a crime... that is a different story. At 7 months the baby is a viable... but I doubt a gestational age is cited in the law and I also think that paying some to beat up because you no longer want to be pregnant is very different from being in an abusive relationship or having a chemical dependence problem.

    ReplyDelete
  124. Busted, Eazy!
    Didn't you tell me you thought she could be "the One" during Getting to know You? If you have a back burner chick, I'd rethink that answer, just sayin'.

    Did you guys read that chlamydia was more common than chicken pox in UT? Nasty.

    ReplyDelete
  125. Yeah that's just ridiculous

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  126. I'm not saying the person will get with their "back burner". But, when a girl is on the verge of exiting a relationship, there is always that person who she will start talking to more.

    As far as myself? No. Like I said, if a guy has friends who are girls, they are all back burners.

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  127. I have back burners, but I think our definitions differ.

    Back Burner - Whores with herpes in their asses

    ReplyDelete
  128. "I guess if a woman goes to the hospital and they're miscarrying and a drug screen comes up pos or their boyfriend has beat them up they will prosecute"

    I guess that's one way. Maybe you should be a lawyer Streets.

    ReplyDelete
  129. "Did you guys read that chlamydia was more common than chicken pox in UT?"

    Nasty indeed kinkyb!tch.

    ReplyDelete
  130. "Back burners?"

    That's great Evil Spurs Fan.

    ReplyDelete
  131. Was wathcing the local (crap) news, Texas is executing another man tonight. Makes the 4th this year.

    Sweet.

    ReplyDelete
  132. i am jealous of texas.

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  133. it takes arizona about 20 years to execute somebody.

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  134. Yeah, this asshole has been on death row for awhile.

    They are executing another piece of scum in about 10 days.

    ReplyDelete
  135. What's going on other Anonymous?

    That sucks she wants to make you puke.

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  136. Heidi is crazy. If only she could hide it from the public better.

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  137. Good point DG. But that's the thing, she can't hide it because she's an attention whore.

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  138. i admire texas for having the balls to kill people so fast. but personally i think they should be shot right in the court room in front of their families. but thats just me.

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  139. Same here. I think they should be hung in the town square. Seriously. Like a public humiliation type of thing.

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  140. Dr Drew says that all though I am clean off drugs that my addiction is now food.

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  141. Is that what Dr. Drew said?

    And I didn't know you did any drugs Drew. I mean, I figured you've done coke before, but I didn't think you were a druggie.

    I have a little bit of respect for you now.

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  142. Addiction is a disease. Symptoms of the disease comes in many forms. Drugs, gambling, sex, food alcoholism etc.......

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  143. Gee, that was earth shattering info Dr. Drew.

    What's next? The sky is blue?

    ReplyDelete
  144. I'm the Man! Five NBA championships! I follow my rules.

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  145. Wow, now Dennis Rodman comments? Awesome. Hey, I think you should be in the Hall of Fame.

    Seriously.

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  146. Although addictions do come in different forms, it appears that Big Drew is addicted to cock.

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  147. Da Worm baby! I stuck my purple greg in Madonna.....

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  148. Dr. Drew:

    I think that's probably the most true comment ever written on this site. Probably the most true comment ever written in history.

    ReplyDelete
  149. You did Dennis, and you got here before she became a wreck.

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  150. What I would recommend to Big Drew is to go to the Jersey Shore or Coney Island and suck as many cocks as humanly possible in order to sicken himself of the desire or need for wiener.

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  151. My name is Heidi and I'm addicted to Plastic Surgery, making horrible music, fame whoring, Crack, and psychic's.

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  152. got *her*

    And Dr. Drew, he does that every weekend. Nothing has worked.

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  153. Heidi:

    That's pretty much what everyone thinks.

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  154. Kasey, how's it feel that I blew you off that night in Dallas after Mandingo pulled block and took me home?

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  155. Spurs, in my time as an addiction treatment specialist I have learned that the reason people talk about dicks so much is because they either lack in size or have a deep seeded love for dick.

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  156. Hey Drew how's it feel to be a big fat loser??

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  157. Kelli:

    I have no idea what you mean.

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  158. At least his cock is big and fat!

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  159. Hi Spursy! Chatting with Drew, Drew, and Drew tonight I see. How fun for you!

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  160. ::glub glub:: im eating dick. ttyl!

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  161. Hey Fat Drew how's it feel to be a closeted homosexual?

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  162. And what do you mean? All these characters are Drew? I don't think so.

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  163. Yes Spurs, i wuld like to think I am correct, but then again I don't know what Big Drew's agenda really might be unless I spoke with him on a one on one basis. But then again I am concerned about his love for male genitalia.

    ReplyDelete
  164. Mr Spurs, what are your thoughts on that school in Mississippi banning a Teen lesbian couple from attending the high school prom?

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  165. Watch now as fat boy drew has conversations with himself. 5150

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  166. I think the conversations are kind of funny. And what do you mean himself? I totally believe Rodman, Kelli D and Dr. Drew are all here.

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  167. me likey the wee-wee.

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  168. Kinkyb!tch, Anonymous:

    Did you two hear about that lesbian and the prom?

    ReplyDelete
  169. let them be what they wanna be. no harm, no foul.

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  170. Ditto, My thought on the issue is divided. The ramifications of the approval of this liberal decision could mean that we as people would except lesbian and homosexuality behavior in kids?

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  171. me likey the wee-wee.

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  172. Yeah, but it's in some podunk town Anonymous.

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  173. The homo and lesbian lifestyle will never be supported on a majority level Drew. I mean, if you put homo marriage to a national vote, I think it'd be 65-35 against. Maybe 60-40.

    Maybe.

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  174. gay sex or relationships occur everywhere. and they have been since the dawn of man. no biggie. less harm than the gang bangers going to prom.

    ReplyDelete