Friday, January 29, 2010

Flowchart to determine if you'll win a bar fight

Flowchart to Determine if You Will Win a Bar Fight


This is pretty good. I've never been in a bar fight, so I don't have much to add in here. I'd probably win though. I made it up to yellow belt when I was a kid.

334 comments:

  1. That's good Pam. I wasn't thinking women would really enjoy this post.

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  2. I wonder how kb and DG are gonna fill this with speculation over male celebrities that wouldn't fuck either of .them on a dare

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  3. I don't care how big or muscled up a dude is, if you can get in the first shot to his lyarnx, he done.

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  4. *an ugly ass Arkansas hillbilly*

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  5. "I have a better shot at Angelina Jolie than any of you chicks do with one of these TV pretty boys. She's at least proven she will fuck an Arkansas hillbilly."

    thats fucking funny...

    aw shit finally friday

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  6. "Anonymous said...

    is this a fucking one movie quote site now or what? im fucking sick of hearing about cbts fucking shit stained war stories and now i have to read fucking lame ass movie quotes? fuck this shit you fag cunts. im out of here."

    I dont care about the war stories or movie quotes, but I am tired of hearing about cbt's shit stained drawls...

    time to upgrade to the depends buddy

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  7. I havent lost a bar fight since 99

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  8. "WTD said...

    I havent lost a bar fight since 99"

    Let me guess, that was the last time you were in one.

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  9. "fml. someone come sit in this lab for me. its only 3 hours."

    That sucks kinkyb!tch.

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  10. "I have a better shot at Angelina Jolie than any of you chicks do with one of these TV pretty boys. She's at least proven she will fuck an Arkansas hillbilly."

    That was funny CBT.

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  11. "aw shit finally friday"

    I completely agree.

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  12. CBT-Excuse me for commenting on anything in jest amongst people who all like to blow off steam in their own way. How silly of me to use one aspect of my real personality here, especially when in the presence of someone whose own sexual prowess far exceeds mine, not just because of age (or the ability to pay for it), but moreso because I am-how did you word it-no better than a closing time chick. You've slapped me right back into reality. Round of applause for CBT, everyone!

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  13. Spurs-it's cool, I finished early being the genius that I am. Of course, I only earned that title seeing as how CBT dropped the same class.
    Oh my, excuse me, how stupid of me. CBT-is it okay if I talk about school here?

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  14. You can talk about whatever you want kinkyb!tch. What class are you taking specifically?

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  15. kb, you're better than a closing time chick, maybe next to last round at worst.

    And given the amount of shit I take on this and my extremely good attitude about it, you should be able to handle a little abuse yourself.

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  16. Nope, sorry, can't.
    It's cool CBT. You've let me know how you really feel a few times now, I got ya.

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  17. kb, the only class I ever dropped was Algebra one and that was because I'd forgotten I'd signed up for it and never went until it was too late to catch up.

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  18. You do have a good attitude about taking shit on here CBT, that's for sure.

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  19. The only two actors I'd like to be compared to as far as looks go are Bruce Willis (I get that fairly often, anyway) or Sam Elliot (no resemblance at all).

    Spurs you have mail.

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  20. "SPURS FAN said...

    You do have a good attitude about taking shit on here CBT, that's for sure."

    The only two chiocks here that can take it are Pam and RQ. Pam's better at it than the Queen, though.

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  21. All right Die Hard, let me check my e-mail.

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  22. CBT-is it okay if I answer Spurs? I don't want to flood this thread with anything you deem useless info. I know how rare that is here.

    It was just a lab for nasogastric tube placement and proper care/suction/placement.

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  23. Shit, I can't liten to that now, I'll be able to in a little while.

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  24. CBT said...

    "WTD said...

    I havent lost a bar fight since 99"

    Let me guess, that was the last time you were in one."

    That couldnt be farther from the truth

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  25. "It was just a lab for nasogastric tube placement and proper care/suction/placement."

    Yeah, I already know how to do that.

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  26. I will contact them both and ask them to train me on how to properly take an ass licking (not a literal one, as I know how to-oh shit, wait, nevermind). Sorry about the slip up, Ceebs, but thanks for the referral.

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  27. kb, I kinda like the new subservient attitude.

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  28. Anything to keep everyone else happy but me, CBT. Anything. Like a fellow genius/mental headcase once said, only a life lived for others is a life lived worthwhile.
    I'm just glad I met you now to show me the light.

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  29. kb, I love you, honey, but the comments on the last post were kinda like be forced to watch "Desperate Housewives".

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  30. "That couldnt be farther from the truth"

    Wopness, when is the last time you were in a fight?

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  31. CBT-skip the niceties. Those were your true feelings, they can't be wrong if they were honest at the time. It took me a bit, but we are on the same page.

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  32. What's going on with you Streets? What do you have planned this weekend?

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  33. Well I have a date on Sunday and one on Saturday night. Other than that I plan on doing some yard work in my backyard and going to talk to my math professor... super exciting

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  34. "That couldnt be farther from the truth"

    Wopness, when is the last time you were in a fight?

    Last time I was in a fight? November

    Last time I was in a bar fight? last spring

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  35. This weekend I also aspire to sleep in until at least 8...

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  36. Pretty exciting Streets. So you are going out with Xerxes and Richard Simmons this weekend?

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  37. Elfie - stop talking about your dates before I go stalker and show up at both of them

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  38. Spurs: my next fight will be you if you ever refer me to Schwayze ever again

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  39. I was in a bar fight about 2 years ago... I punched my friends ex in the face.

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  40. Maybe when Streets has trouble with Xerxes and Simmons, you can take her Dirty Dancing.

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  41. Sorry Wop....

    Spurs~ No Xerxes. I actually had 3 dates this weekend but had to cancel the one for tonight because I need time with my kids too.
    Richard Simmons yes... and a guy named Joey who is hot as hell but dumb ad fuck.

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  42. Sure CBT, anytime!

    Spurs~ No I didn'nt knock him down, I have tiny little hands and he was a big black guy... he did try to fight me though but I ran haha. It was a hit and run more than I fight I guess.

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  43. Streets:

    3 dates? You're pretty popular. And that's messed up the guy tried to fight you after that. Good thing you ran.

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  44. Elfie - Not big dumb joey is it?

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  45. Hey fucknuts (sorry Elfie)-you guys know I was messing around with CBT, right?
    Am I that good of an actress? I have always thought so myself, but I don't like to toot my own horn, I prefer others to tug it.

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  46. Spurs~ Yeah he did get ahold of my arm and tried to pull me outside so he could hit me without everyone in the club seeing but I got away. By the time he found me again I was with my friends and we all cussed him out. I got kicked out of North on 4th Wop, not a place I really care to go back to anyway.
    Big dumb Joey? I don't even know who that is Wop.... this guy is younger than I am and not that big.

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  47. kinkyb!tch:

    Just a matter of time before you are given a lead role in a blockbuster. And I don't have to guess hard as to who your co-star would be.

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  48. Joey, we went to school with him, but I forgot his last name, he was in your grade, and I played basketball with him... Haynes I think

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  49. I remember a chick I was out with once put her hands around this guy's throat and pushed him up against his truck while we were out once. She was pissed at him 'cause he was married and was banging out friend and let him have it. I thought he was going to kill her, you should've seen his eyes. I was so glad I wasn't drunk, 'cause I was about to book it and I was gonna leave all the drunkfools in my dust.

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  50. Thanks Spurs!
    Elfie, Wop-you know I am a conceited bitch, where is your praise?

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  51. KB - that was quite the incoherent story

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  52. CBT,

    When kb and I talk about Bradley Cooper we are not really serious. Maybe this is hard for you to grasp since you have a hard enough time keeping your own reality and fantasy straight.

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  53. Streets:

    You and your friends cussed him out? Gangster.

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  54. I like this post though. Very funny.

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  55. no it wasn't, have you had your coffee today, wop? I was comparing it to Elfie's Karate Kid story.

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  56. Yeah DG, I thought the scenarios that were used on this were good.

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  57. Thanks Wop.
    DG and Elfie, don't think I have not noticed you two have not complimented me.
    I hope Ceebs isn't out buying me flowers to apologize. If he wants to get me some vodka, he most certainly can though.

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  58. kb, like you I have lab today at 2. I don't want to go.

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  59. are they good, Spurs? Let me scroll back up and actually read it.

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  60. deeg-what is your lab for?
    spurs, i really will scroll up and read it now.

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  61. She does. Just a matter of time before we see her walking the red carpet.

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  62. hahahahahahahahah!! Shit, that was funny and looked real. I think the Albert Einstein quote and saying "anything to keep others happy but me" was icing on the cake.

    Fuck, I am over the top. Like Sylvester Stallone.

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  63. Biology. The thing is I have to skip lecture today so I hope I'm ok at lab. Everything today is just falling apart over here. Hopefully it's all sorted out by 2. But with the way today is going I will probably mess something up and break it and get kicked out of class.

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  64. Karate Kid? haha I did love your story although I hope when we are out together and I try to fight some guy your first reaction isnt to leave me in your dust :(

    Spurs~ you are a smartass. The gangsta part was when I bitch slapped him with my gatt, not when we cussed him out.

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  65. Where is cbt?

    My guess is he is googling some heroic bar fight stories to tell us soon.

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  66. "DG said...

    CBT,

    When kb and I talk about Bradley Cooper we are not really serious. Maybe this is hard for you to grasp since you have a hard enough time keeping your own reality and fantasy straight."

    I have no fantasies. I'm old enough that real life killed them all a long time ago, probably even before you were born.

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  67. I think he is for sure out buying me an I'm sorry card and flowers.
    Poor old man. I hope I didn't make him go to confessional to repent all his sins. He'd be there past March and would miss his flight to Augusta.

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  68. "Spurs~ you are a smartass. The gangsta part was when I bitch slapped him with my gatt"

    I stand corrected. Well, not really, a real gangster would have shot him.

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  69. Delusions never die young, cbt. You are living proof of that.

    Tell us again about you shooting out the tires of Merle Hutchinson and Arthur Smith in your deer stand. That was a good one. Including the last names made it that much more authentic. Then you can go ahead and delete your comments once you realize including last names makes it possible for us to google your fake story yourself.

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  70. kb, trust me, I won't be going to confession anytime soon, mainly because I'm neither Catholic or traditionally religious.

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  71. Hey, you know I just got an e-mail from the San Antonio Express News asking me to take down the content of the Wolfie post?

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  72. Alright you guys, serious talk 'cause you all carry a special place in my heart (no homo).
    I talk alotta shit. Some of it serious, most of it isn't. I promise if we met in real life, you would like me, despite my bipolar tendencies.

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  73. "DG said...

    Delusions never die young, cbt. You are living proof of that.

    Tell us again about you shooting out the tires of Merle Hutchinson and Arthur Smith in your deer stand. That was a good one. Including the last names made it that much more authentic. Then you can go ahead and delete your comments once you realize including last names makes it possible for us to google your fake story yourself."

    I have no idea what you're referring to, DG. It's in my best interest not to.

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  74. Amazing indeed. Spurs, someone other than us has noticed your site after 2 years. You are headed for the big time!

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  75. Thanks kinkyb!tch. But the site's only been up about 7 months.

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  76. Spurs, that's just proprietary copyrighted stuff. We've done it to other stations playing spots for shared clientele we recorded and copyrighted.

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  77. I've only been in one fight. This girl came to my house in the middle of January. It was freezing that night. I saw her walking up the sidewalk so I filled up a one of those 64 oz cups with ice water. I went outside and she started talking her shit so I threw the glass of water in her face. She pulled my hair and somehow I pulled her to the ground and just kept nailing her in the face. Her pregnant friend just stood there and watched. Cops show up and I wanted to get her arrested but they said if I did they would have to arrest me to because her face was fucked up. So we let it go. I honestly didn't know I had that in me to actually win a fight. I was like Ralphie beating up the bully.

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  78. "I stand corrected. Well, not really, a real gangster would have shot him."

    and go down for murder 1 Helllllll naw.

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  79. I do think it's amazing a paper that size noticed this site, though.

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  80. Streets:

    A real gangster wouldn't get caught. Hello.

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  81. only 7? Hmm, seems longer. I think that means I have enojoyed myself? Or is it the other way around?
    Anyway, I am nervous now that someone in the real news noticed it. What if they read my comments and steal them? Especially that Sylvester Stallone line I just threw out..that was like freestyle rap right there. I could be the next Vanilla Ice, or better yet, Snow (you know you all liked the song Informer). You should look into adding a copyright label for me, Spurs.

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  82. What are you going to do spurs? Delete it or keep it up?

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  83. I would Spurs. Apparently they own some or all of the images you used. We could get Wop to weigh in on this, but I doubt he has much copyright law experience (no slam, Wop).

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  84. can someone beat box for me? I want to give this rap stuff a try. I have a 40 and a hat to the side, so I am halfway there.

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  85. Halfway there to what kinkyb!tch? Five cd's sold? To friends and family?

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  86. Hey Gramps-sorry for fucking with you this morning. I missed my coffee and needed something to perk me up.

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  87. I would leave it up. It would be more fun that way. You can go in front of the san antonio express building and picket your rights. We would all go with you but you are the only one living there so you will be on your own with this one.

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  88. Kb I will beatbox for you if you promise to eat box of rme later ;) Sorry.

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  89. {bobbing my head up and down}
    Spurs, you don't even know me, don't front. Chauncey and Krew taught me how to let the bizzle in me out, fo shizzle.

    Now beatbox like that white boy Justin Timberlake does so I can spit this tight rap

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  90. I say steal the photos of her from photobucket and just link the stupid story.

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  91. "You can go in front of the san antonio express building and picket your rights."

    I don't think they would pay any attention to me.

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  92. Streets:

    That's what I was thinking of doing.

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  93. No you are 100% correct CBT, I have NO experience in copyright law, hell I dont even remember hearing much about it in school

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  94. kb,

    Get this guy to do the beatbox for you. He is really good.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ov6NdaPSV8Y

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  95. kinkyb!tch:

    Why don't you write the lyrics here, and we'll let you know if it's a "tight rap."

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  96. I agree with elfie. Then do a story on Mr. Knoop to piss him off.

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  97. "kb said...

    Hey Gramps-sorry for fucking with you this morning. I missed my coffee and needed something to perk me up."

    I actually kinda felt bad. I was afraid I'd really hurt your feelings kb. If that was really your picture, you're good looking, although I suspect you have a big ass and long toes. I have no idea why I suspect that, but I do.

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  98. What his first name?

    You know my investigative skills rock.

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  99. CBT,

    When you get all rude, I don't really mind either. My grandma was in a nursing home before she died and I understand old people get really upset when the nurse doesn't come in to change your depends on time. It must suck to just rot in piss and shit for hours. It's ok, you can take it out on me.

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  100. "DG said...

    CBT,

    When you get all rude, I don't really mind either. My grandma was in a nursing home before she died and I understand old people get really upset when the nurse doesn't come in to change your depends on time. It must suck to just rot in piss and shit for hours. It's ok, you can take it out on me."

    This is the kinda stuff that makes me slam you DG. I'm probably younger than your dad and probably in better shape than any of thr teenagers you date.

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  101. hahaha Deeg.
    See what happens when you fuck with e-lovers, CBT?

    Seriously, I was in a bad mood, that is why I jumped off, I didnt want to have a knipshin fit for everyone to see. It's cool, water under the bridge.
    You still should get me a bottle of vodka for it anyway. I'm a good friend and am making you a wedding a cake after all.

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  102. "I'm probably younger than your dad."

    I don't see how this will make you feel younger but you are younger because he was 41 when I was born.

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  103. "conniption", kb. I have spell check enabled.

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  104. whatever, spell check bitch. You gonna spot my grammar next?

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  105. I'm still in better shape than your teenyboppers.

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  106. But everyone confused him for my grandpa while I was growing up.

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  107. "kb said...

    whatever, spell check bitch. You gonna spot my grammar next?"

    No kb, I'd just never seen that word written out before, although I've heard it all my life. Just passing on info I picked up due to a low level of innate curiosity.

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  108. I've seen your picture. Believe me, you are not. My teenyboppers are the same age as me.

    Before I existed you were already out giving girls ruffies.

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  109. Thanks for helping kb out cbt. All of cbt's wise old wisdom comes from wikipedia.

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  110. "DG said...

    But everyone confused him for my grandpa while I was growing up."

    It happens to me now since I was 48 when my oldest was born.

    One of the ways I've evaluated my girls is how they react when we're out on a date and someone comments on "your lovely daughter".

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  111. I've never given a girl a "ruffie" (correct spelling "roofie"). And none of my wisdom comes from Wikipedia. I didn't even know it existed before I started commenting here.

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  112. My sister is 14 years older than me. People always thought she was my mom. She hated that.

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  113. Did Arkansas just get internet in the past year or something? But it's fun to copy and paste stories and take credit for them, isn't it?

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  114. And thanks for the correction of "roofie". I'm sure you didn't have to look that one up. You just had to open up your medicine cabinet.

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  115. my jeans are taking forever to dry. Maybe I need as new dryer?

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  116. and when I say "in better shape" I don't mean for pretty. I run 5 miles through the woods at least three times a week wearing a 70 pound rucksack.

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  117. "kb said...

    my jeans are taking forever to dry. Maybe I need as new dryer?"

    Check the lint trap, kb.

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  118. I just noticed that my email acct has this status update deal on it. does anyone else have that? i wonder who can see it? everyone or just if you have yahoo?

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  119. The one that you always take out or the one attatched to the wall?

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  120. haha...you just gave me a visual of that cbt.

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  121. "my jeans are taking forever to dry. Maybe I need as new dryer?"

    Probably.

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  122. "DG said...

    And thanks for the correction of "roofie". I'm sure you didn't have to look that one up. You just had to open up your medicine cabinet."

    The only things in my medicine cabinet are claritin d and pepcid ac.

    The drug you're talking about is rohypnol. I know about because back in the early 90's some guy roofied several girls in local clubs and one died.

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  123. Or better yet, save your money and check the lint trap like CBT suggested.

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  124. kinkyb!tch:

    I think it's just for people who have yahoo.

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  125. CBT, you want to know how you know someone is lying?

    They provide too many details.

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  126. "kb said...

    The one that you always take out or the one attatched to the wall?"

    If the one you always take out is clean check the other one. That one can be a serious fire hazard.

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  127. "DG said...

    haha...you just gave me a visual of that cbt."

    Of what, DG?

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  128. Of your old ass running through the woods in camoflauge and face paint to hide from the would be robbers of your hut.

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  129. that thing runs up the wall and into the attic, I ain't checking that shit, Ceebs. I'll pay someone to do it for me.
    I cannot wait to put on my jeans so they will snuggle me and feel all nice and warm.
    CBT-that was not a sexual reference btw.

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  130. "DG said...

    CBT, you want to know how you know someone is lying?

    They provide too many details."

    That depends on the person. I've generally found the opposite to be true. A good liar only gives as many details as they can keep up with, which aren't many.

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  131. No kinkyb!tch, it's in the dryer. Please tell me you know where the lint trap in your dryer is.

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  132. "DG said...

    Of your old ass running through the woods in camoflauge and face paint to hide from the would be robbers of your hut."

    I do wear an old set BDU's and combat boots, but no face paint. You're a hiker, right? Try hiking 5 miles with a 70 pound ruck.

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  133. yes, I know where that is, Spurs. But I thought he meant to check that silver hose deal in the back of the dryer, you know what I mean? I have heard those things gets clogged and can cause fires, so when he said fire hazard Ithought he meant that.

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  134. "SPURS FAN said...

    No kinkyb!tch, it's in the dryer. Please tell me you know where the lint trap in your dryer is."

    Spurs, shhh! Can't you tell when a good practical joke is in progress?

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  135. "kb said...

    yes, I know where that is, Spurs. But I thought he meant to check that silver hose deal in the back of the dryer, you know what I mean? I have heard those things gets clogged and can cause fires, so when he said fire hazard Ithought he meant that."

    That was the one I meant, if the one in dryer was clear.

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  136. So Dg, I know you said you don't really like Taylor Swift but I am here to convert you to a fan. Elfie too. She has a song that she wrote to her mom that I think will convince Elfie. I think I will serenade her later today.
    What subject do you think would interest you?

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  137. yeah I'm not checking that. I don't do manual labor, hell no, that's what mean are for.

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  138. I think you will like You're Not Sorry, Dg.

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  139. "kb said...

    that thing runs up the wall and into the attic, I ain't checking that shit, Ceebs. I'll pay someone to do it for me.
    I cannot wait to put on my jeans so they will snuggle me and feel all nice and warm.
    CBT-that was not a sexual reference btw."

    You asked me earlier why I was gonna marry my girl and I told you I was happier with her than I am without her. There's more to it. Between Christmas and her visit this week I've gotten up in the middle of foreplay with two other girls, one 21 and one 27, put my jeans back on and said, "Sorry honey, no offense, but you're the wrong girl" and walked out. I slept with Alyssa over New Year's, but we have a two plus year history. Even so, that didn't feel right either. I honestly don't want anyone else.

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  140. That story brought a tear to my eye.

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  141. If you want to write something personal...just email that person, rather than asking Spurs to delete.

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  142. CBT,

    I've hiked the grand canyon with a 60 lb backpack 12 miles each way not including all the hiking I did while I stayed down there for a few days.

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  143. ok, cbt. Yep, I believe you.

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  144. DG:

    I changed that Wolfie post a little while ago.

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  145. What did he think you did wrong anyway? Was it the pictures?

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  146. The pics. And you can't put more than five sentences of an article. So I e-mailed him back and aplogized. He was cool and thanked me.

    So I went over to the mysanantonio site (which is run by the Express News) and put a link up to the pictures that are posted now. They actually let it go through. And then some site called somethingawful.com picked it up which is bad ass.

    So I'm glad now that I just didn't post his e-mail and slam him.

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  147. I'm just wondering if I should add in a pic of her girlfriend. Or do you think it's enough?

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  148. I think that is enough. She actually looks like a girl in a couple of the pics.


    I think you should meet her. Maybe there is a valentines day party or something the two of you can meet at.

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  149. She'll probably try to cut my head off. Or bit me.

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  150. But it will be for the sake of science! I suggest you get a rabies shot before you meet her.

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  151. Just think, your head will be forever saved in a jar.

    I wonder if she ever told the cops what she did witht the dogs body.

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  152. That would be a good idea. I think she's into women though DG.

    And to think you and I thought she was into dogs.

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  153. Shit. We have about 8 inches of snow on the ground and more coming down. My damn cows are walking around with 6 inches of snow piled up on their backs.

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  154. That website is funny. Check this out:

    My favorite part: "You have a vagina full of aids."

    http://www.somethingawful.com/d/webcam-ward/condoms.php

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  155. niggaz iz scurred ov da revolootin

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  156. DG:

    I can't watch that here. When I get home, I'll check it out.

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  157. What's up Chauncey? Long time no see. Have you ever been in a bar fight?

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  158. Then send over Linsanity. She can then dissect her brain to see how that thing works.

    Disclaimer: LINDSAY, IF YOU READ THIS. THIS IS SARCASM. I DON'T REALLY MEAN IT.

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  159. This guy is hilarious. He says condoms don't work and as his example he uses a strainer to prove his scientific experiment.

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  160. I think I will post that video this weekend DG.

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  161. Did you write that yourself Chauncey, or did you copy and past that from somewhere?

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  162. niggaz can rite my nigga, i aint no mutha fuckin criminal

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  163. I'm pretty sure if you've shot and robbed people, you are a criminal.

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  164. Holy shit DG, I just watched that link... that shit was cracking me up

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  165. so whats you you pastey face mutha fucka
    splain yoself

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  166. I'll "splain" myself you ignorant fuck. I don't care what color you are, if you rob and shoot people, you are a criminal.

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  167. And that "fat farma" gets called out too Chauncey.

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  168. And what is wrong with your eyes?

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  169. The picture is a white dude in black face, Spurs. And I've had a criminal tendency or two in my day.

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  170. Even if that were the case CBT, his eyes are messed up? They are the size of the pin of a needle.

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  171. I looked closer Spurs. I think that's a Puerto Rican that's been smoking sherm.

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