So this is the moron who tried to blow up the plane. Nice underwear. I think I'm going to try to pick myself up a pair.
You know, it's a good thing that Al-Qaeda pulled an Indianapolis Colts and sent in the second string (see Streets? Another sports reference!!), otherwise that would have been a disaster.
So from the looks of those underwear he had the accelerants in his underwear and his penis was the fuse? Brings new meaning to the song "Sex on Fire" (Kings of Leon reference)
ReplyDeleteDamn, another Kings of Leon reference?
ReplyDeleteWouldn't it be funny if his prick was blown off. I mean, I know it was on fire. What's he going to do with all those virgins now?
Finger-bang (I know Francis will like that elementary term) them?
Anon - From the other post, yes, the whole band. I don't know why I singled out only the singer.
ReplyDeleteKinkyb!tch and DG are probably going to go into convulsions when they read that.
ReplyDeleteand on the menu for dinner tonight? Nigerian smoked sausage.
ReplyDeleteHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteJust playing, that really wasn't all that funny, but it was pretty good Streets.
Excellent point. I mean, it doesn't seem like a very good way to solve your urges, but I suppose that method would work.
ReplyDeleteYeah... I think maybe conseling or something would have been a better approach. Or maybe even taking a page from Drew's life story: when life no longer seems worthwhile just go out and "smash" some moonfaced, flat assed, floppy titted, 10 yrs past the use by date, slut.
ReplyDeletecounseling*
ReplyDeleteCon-selling is Drew's job description.
You turned that into a nice joke Streets.
ReplyDeleteWell done.
kind of like why Kim K has a dented ass... Ray J smashed that ass.
ReplyDeleteThere you go. You know, the more I think of the term "smashing that", the more it makes me laugh.
ReplyDeleteYeah it's a pretty funny term... i can only imagine the conversations between Drew and his friends (does Drew have friends?)
ReplyDeleteDrew's Friend: "What did you do last night?"
Drew: "I smashed that all night, it was kewl."
Damn Streets, you are really coming up with some good stuff today.
ReplyDeleteYeah I am just a barrel full of fun today.
ReplyDeleteI just thought of something... maybe the suicide bomber just misunderstood a very common english term? Many things get lost in translation. He's just learned that "getting a blow job" has a far different meaning than "doing a job on your penis by nearly blowing it off".
You are like Yoda today.
ReplyDeleteThat's good reasoning. I think that was probably the case.
I need a brownie and a root beer.
ReplyDeleteAs what? A prize?
ReplyDeleteOr just in general?
just in general.
ReplyDeleteAre you giving out prizes now Spurs... ohhhh Nik Richie the next you are. (Yoda speak)
A root beer and a brownie sounds good.
ReplyDeleteAnd nice use of Yoda speak. As far as prizes? Sorry, but no. Unless you consider my friendship a prize.
Did your mommy tell you that your "friendship" was a prize? That shiz doesn't cut it in the real world.
ReplyDeleteI think you've crossed the line into cockiness once you read my compliments Streets. Be careful. Those are choppy waters you are taking a swim in.
ReplyDeleteAfter 10 years on the swim team I can swim pretty well Spursy.
ReplyDeleteand that was a joke, smartass. Your friendship is like the sweetest perfumed rose on dewey Spring day... it should be featured on a Mastercard commerical because it is Priceless.
That's more like it.
ReplyDeleteAnd I was on a swim team too. I'm pretty sure I could "smash" you in the pool.
The term "smash" does not belong in any sentence involving You and me.
ReplyDeleteNo kidding. I have standards.
ReplyDeleteWhat?! I'm not black enough for you?
ReplyDeleteThat's funny.
ReplyDeleteIsn't it?
ReplyDeleteIt is. Being I'm not Puerto Rican enough for you.
ReplyDeleteI am currently dating a white guy, (please hold your applause)
ReplyDeleteWhat ditch did he crawl out of?
ReplyDeleteEngland, please try to contain your jealousy.
ReplyDeleteSo he's a pansy? That's cute. Does he drink tea at 3:00?
ReplyDeleteWith some crumpets?
ReplyDeleteWhen you guys go out, do you two eat anything other than fish and chips?
ReplyDeleteChoppy waters Streets, choppy waters.
ReplyDeleteNo, he doesn't drink tea or eat crumpets. He's quite good-looking too, a difficult feat considering he is white AND British. He has good teeth even.
ReplyDeleteI enjoy choppy waters.
ReplyDeleteSo you do not deny that you have to contain your jealousy? I know you wish you were dating a handsome English Bloke too.
Wow. That was going to be my next question. About his teeth.
ReplyDeleteBut I'm pretty sure I can come up with some more stuff.
Does he like kickball (soccer)?
ReplyDeleteYeah, I'm extremely jealous.
ReplyDeleteDoes he treat you like a Queen?
ReplyDeleteDoes he have a poster of Prince Harry and Prince William?
ReplyDeleteNo, I don't think so. maybe I will ask him... I am not sure.
ReplyDeleteIf he likes kickball, maybe he can take you out on the "pitch" and you can play goalie for him.
ReplyDeleteHey, there's a sexual innuendo in there.
he says no to all of the above, however he did have a crush on Fergie (duchess of York not the adult diaper needing meth-head from the Black eyed peas) as a child and thought Diana was overrated. Although he DID cry when she died.
ReplyDeleteDamn, that was going to be my next insult. If he cries on Princess Di's death anniversary. But I thought I'd wait until you came back with a comment.
ReplyDeleteWhen he "smashes" you, does he yell:
ReplyDeleteGOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!
I'd love to play goalie for him... but not until we've signed a contract, I don't play with free-agents.
ReplyDeleteA "contract?" What's up with that?
ReplyDeleteDoes he like Monty Python?
ReplyDeleteSorry Spurs... I am in your head now, eating your brains like parasite and ruining your jokes before you even had a chance.
ReplyDeleteGive me a break.
ReplyDeleteand break you off a piece... of that Kit-kat bar?
ReplyDeletesexual innuendo there.
I guess. If you are really looking for one.
ReplyDeleteWell, throw on some Susan Boyle and jump in the sack with him.
ReplyDeleteIs his idol Simon Cowell?
ReplyDeletehaha that was funny! kudos Spurs! kudos!
ReplyDeleteI've been brushing up on my British slang because most of the time I have no fucking idea what he's talking about.
ReplyDeleteWhere is everyone?
ReplyDelete"British slang?"
ReplyDeleteThat's funny.
As far as "Where is everyone?"
I guess this post didn't interest anyone. I looked for some other things to post, nothing all that interesting was out there. Or maybe I just don't know what to post. Either way, this post was entertaining for me.
that dudes choonies look like he was wearing a kotex.
ReplyDeleteHey Streets, here's someone. And you are right.
ReplyDeleteThis post was entertaining for me too Spurs.
ReplyDeleteHey Anon! He now is probably really wearing a kotex since he now has a whole where his peen used to be.
I bet they are making him wear those mesh underwear with the jumbo pad in it like they do when a woman has a baby.
So Streets, are you still on vacation? I take it you aren't at work?
ReplyDeleteAnonymous:
ReplyDeleteYeah, he's probably having second thoughts about the whole Islam deal.
that was supposed to say "hole" and not "whole" I highly doubt his penis is "whole" anymore.
ReplyDeleteI am at work only through tomorrow though. It is just slow.
ReplyDeleteStreets:
ReplyDeleteWell, I just asked because I thought you asked Boy George some questions.
Yes I texted him and he laughed.
ReplyDeleteDid he write "lol"???
ReplyDeleteBecause that's gay Streets.
That sound like a Indian or Italian dish... Allah Vagoo. YUM!
ReplyDeleteno he wrote hahaha, he is a REAL man.
ReplyDeleteI'm a hippy fuck and I think it is ok.
ReplyDeletei honestly think the best idea bush had was the black prisons (and its not a racial term). we need those again...and we need them to be secret...again.
ReplyDeleteWell, that's good Streets. I'm all for torture too.
ReplyDeletei would love to be a government contractor in charge of interrogation. i would start with lighting gunpowder in their ear canals.
ReplyDeleteI agree anonymous. I actually think we should round up all the assholes and put them in internment camps.
ReplyDeleteI enjoy torture... whips and chains YEAH I am jealous of those guantanamo bay prisoners.
ReplyDeletecome to phx, sign a release and consent form and i will make you wipe your ass with brillo pads.
ReplyDeleteYou really need to get laid Streets. Tell Mr. England to break out the dildo and satisfy you.
ReplyDeletejust kidding.
ReplyDeleteor am i?
While he's doing that Streets, you can call him James Bond or something. His vagina would probably gush like a fire hydrant.
ReplyDeleteBrillo pads? passsssss
ReplyDeleteI am looking forward to his sex noises with a british accent, hopefully it gets that far. OMG I am a fucking pig!
No, Austin Powers hasn't "shagged" Streets yet. I already asked up above.
ReplyDelete"I am looking forward to his sex noises with a british accent, hopefully it gets that far. OMG I am a fucking pig!"
ReplyDeleteWell, enjoy those two minutes Miss Piggy.
There is no shag carpet here... and the drapes do not match the rug.
ReplyDeleteHey, you can call him Kermit.
ReplyDeleteJust in case you were wondering... I thought you probably were.
ReplyDeleteDoes 007 know that information?
ReplyDeleteso the carpet is gray with a few stains?
ReplyDeleteDid you read that the guys who trained the dickless wonder were once in US Captivity? They were in a "Art Therapy Rehabilitation Program"
ReplyDeleteDoes he know I am a natural blonde? no he does not.
ReplyDeleteAnon~ I have no gray hair, nor stains. I am blonde and quite minimally hairy naturally.
art therapy rehabilitation program? sounds like some sedona fag bullshit.
ReplyDeleteso youre a hardwood floor with a runner?
ReplyDeleteStreets:
ReplyDeleteNo, I didn't realize that. I just hope his brother Obama doesn't think he deserves a civilian trial.
or do you mean bologna curtains when you say drapes?
ReplyDeletein other news, karl rove's wife ditched his ass.
ReplyDeleteI see that. After 24 years.
ReplyDeleteyeah...they got divorced. something about her catching him with some euro-fag. just kidding...but they really did divorce.
ReplyDeleteBologna is disgusting...
ReplyDeleteNo, none of the above. I like the tortilla chip (aye-ye-ye CALIENTE), rather than the running strip.
Thanks for the details Streets.
ReplyDeletefurry bikini?
ReplyDeleteyou are very welcome Spurs, I am just fucking around you know?
ReplyDeleteYes, I kind of figured that.
ReplyDeleteBut I do think there is some truth to some of the things you typed.
ReplyDeleteSome of it yes, some of it no. I am not one of those what you see is what you get kind of people, I am a "here are the pieces, try to put it together" type. I think you probably know what is real and what is not.
ReplyDeleteYou are so deep Streets.
ReplyDeleteOh, and I can probably "put you together."
ReplyDeleteHmmm and here I always thought I was shallow? I'm like a lake, sometimes the depth is deceptive. Yoda?
ReplyDeleteYoda indeed.
ReplyDeleteOh gotta go see my Brit... see you all later!
ReplyDeleteWell, have fun with Austin Powers.
ReplyDelete"SPURS FAN said...
ReplyDeleteThat's more like it.
And I was on a swim team too."
Extremely gay.
Hillbilly, I was on a swim team from like 5 years old to 9 or 10 years old.
ReplyDeleteSee, we had these things called swimming pools. Now I know over at Hee Haw there was only a local creek filled with water mocassins, but that's not my fault.
Well, is it getting you high?
ReplyDelete"SPURS FAN said...
ReplyDeleteHillbilly, I was on a swim team from like 5 years old to 9 or 10 years old.
See, we had these things called swimming pools. Now I know over at Hee Haw there was only a local creek filled with water mocassins, but that's not my fault."
My cousin was on the swim team here until he was 10 and moved to Indiana, where he was on the swim team. Closet gay dude whose vegetarian, gym rat shim of a wife leads around by his nose. When Jimbo (yeah, I know) was 13 and down visiting, I talked him into pissing on an electric fence. If you can talk some idiot friend into doing this, I suggest you do so. It is comedy at it's finest.
Moccasins suck. We call them Cotton Mouths here. A kid I knew when I was a kid (maybe around 1968) jumped into the spring at Cotter and landed on a nest of them, 40 or 50 snakes. He was dead in little more than a minute, I heard. They say he bitten over 100 times
ReplyDelete"SPURS FAN said...
ReplyDeleteWell, is it getting you high?"
Duh. Did you not see the fucking encyclopedia I wrote above that line?
Yeah, I read your ramblings.
ReplyDelete"One day my cousin rode the bus all day in circles. He also had a pony named Puck."
ReplyDeleteThat's funny.
more tall tales from some hillbilly comic you read growing up. never made it into the main stream because real people just cannot relate to living in the fucking boonies. might as well be outerspace.
ReplyDeleteYou make me laugh Giraffe.
ReplyDeleteI wasn't aware they made "hillbilly comics."
ReplyDeleteInteresting.
thanks, Spurs. same to you.
ReplyDeleteCBT just angers me and I want to kill him. But since I cannot, I will go out drinking.
If anyone cares, I'll be at maestros.
Maestros huh?
ReplyDeleteWhat's that joint like? Maybe kinkyb!tch will meet you there.
RQ goes to Maestros because the name sounds sophisticated. It's probably just a remodeled Chili's.
ReplyDeleteit's a nice steakhouse...there are a few of them here. Not going to Ocean Club, going to the other Maestros out by Desert Ridge if KB wants to meet me there.
ReplyDeleteSo are those two always hanging out there or what?
ReplyDeletethen I'll get drunk and dance to the man in the tuxedo playing "like a virgin" on the piano. yeah, i'm that lame, people.
ReplyDeleteyes, they are drunkards. rich bastard drunkards. the friend is convinced I want to rob the fat guy of all his money
ReplyDeleteMaybe you should. Give them something to talk about.
ReplyDeletei have no clue why he thinks that as last time i went there i spent hundreds on champagne for all of us
ReplyDeleteDamn, that was nice of you.
ReplyDeleteby the time i dig through all that lard and make it to his pockets to steal his money, i'll be plum tuckered out. just not worth it.
ReplyDeletei know, seriously, it was. i was pissed when i woke up and saw it on my banking the next day
ReplyDeleteand then i had to wait for the final charge to hit, because i was dreading what the tip might be
ReplyDeleteI imagine you were pissed.
ReplyDeleteWhat was the tip like? I imagine you were feeling generous.
ReplyDeletei still want my damn chicken platter money back from that other puke i took out to dinner. he took me to the cleaners too.
ReplyDeleteoh and then there is the guy who ordered the rack of lamb and then put each and every bone in his mouth and sucked it clean. lambchop in his teeth and then tried to kiss me. oh my god, did i run and fast.
tip was only $80, not bad.
ReplyDeletei thought for sure it was going to be like $300, but i can live with $80. they really shouldn't allow drunk people to tip. drunk people should have to blow into one of those machines before tipping.
ReplyDeleteovertipping drunk is worse than driving drunk
That's not bad.
ReplyDeleteAs far as the guy who ordered lambchop?
Yeah, he sounds like a loser.
i hope sheriff joe reads this and implements some new laws.
ReplyDeletei know, spurs, thank you. i mean who sucks on bones?
ReplyDeleteHe's probably a big fan of the site.
ReplyDeletethat's a loaded question. well, i'm gonna shower and meet my fat friend.
ReplyDeletebiyeeeeeeeeeeeee
oh, i'm sure he is a fan, spurs.
ReplyDeleteThanks. And have fun tonight. Try not to get too wasted.
ReplyDeletei mean who the fuck orders rack of lamb? and i'm sitting there with my measly plate of ravilios.
ReplyDeletemen.
ok, i won't. thank you for letting me get some things off my chest, i feel better now. bye
ReplyDeleteTake care.
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by.
ReplyDeleteQueenie, do you tip the clerk at the speciatly shoe store where you buy those size 13EEEs that well?
ReplyDelete"Rocket Queen said...
ReplyDeletei thought for sure it was going to be like $300, but i can live with $80. they really shouldn't allow drunk people to tip. drunk people should have to blow into one of those machines before tipping."
That's really a brilliant idea. I wish the strip club in Vegas in 06 had had that set up. Never, never, ever take an Amex card into a Vegas strip club.
I take it you dropped some loot?
ReplyDeleteYeah, a little over 6k. No matter what Chris Rock used to say, there is sex in the Champagne Room, in Vegas anyway.
ReplyDeleteWell, I'd hope if you dropped 6 grand you'd get laid.
ReplyDeleteI don't gamble. There is a very strong history of gambling addiction in my mother's family and they suck at it.
ReplyDeleteI picked up the tab for a couple of buddies.
ReplyDeleteI think I will open a bottle of Maker's Mark, reload my pipe and watch it snow while I drink to the ghosts of sugar babies past and the spirits of sugar babies to come.
ReplyDeleteI have loved them all a little, some more than a little, except for Holly. Holly was just evil.
I have an ex sugar baby, Alyssa, coming to see me tomorrow. Kelly Jo said, in reference to Tiff, "We all come back to you, at least once".
And they do.
ReplyDeleteYou are a pimp CBT.
ReplyDelete"FAN said...
ReplyDeleteYou are a pimp CBT."
Nah, just a horny old bastard with a soft heart for young hos.
It's not fucking snowing enough to be entertaining yet.
hey spurs. were doing frequent buyer cards that say "buy three get one free (rhymed)" did you copyright that at all? lol thanks for the shout out in your xmas message. hope your holiday was good any cool plans for new years?
ReplyDelete-lamp
Hey lamp! (Alyssa)
ReplyDeleteLong time no see. No, I didn't copyright that.
No cool plans for New Years so far.
How about you? And how was your Christmas?
It is Alyssa right? And no problem for the shout out.
ReplyDeleteum christmas eve was awesome. a bunch of families get together and act out and sing chrismas carols. christmas day was hard tho, first one without my dad. work is going good and now that we have employees i trust i dont have to work such insane hours. well if you make it to scottsdale my friend from college is flying in tomorrow and we havent figured out what we wanna do so u can help us!
ReplyDelete-allissa( lamp)
Hey, that's nice you got together with a bunch of families and sang Christmas carols. I imagine Christmas day was difficult, sorry again about your loss.
ReplyDeleteSadly, I don't think I will be making it to Scottsdale for New Years, but that is cool your friend is coming out.
Did you go to school in San Diego? Also, I'll remember how to spell your name now.
no i went to school in washington for my undergrad. the christmas even thing gets kinda intense... we have teams and you have to be the most creative with your verse. its amazing. lol we have been doing it since i was like eight or so. and thats good that you will spell my name right. names have power.
ReplyDelete-allissa
*eve
ReplyDeleteallissa
I think I could probably come up with something creative for your Christmas Eve game.
ReplyDeleteWhere did you go to school in WA?
And did your shop come up with some good flavors for the Holidays?
i went to gonzaga. and yes we had peppermint and gingerbread and pumpkin spice for the holidays.. but of course all our flavors are amazing all the time! as far as the xmas eve thing... we are pretty VIP lol well i just wanted to say hello and wish you all the very best! see you next year probably!
ReplyDelete-allissa
Gonzaga? That's cool.
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by Allissa and have a great New Year.
lamp is pretty cool.
ReplyDeleteShe is.
ReplyDeleteshes the only one that i can think of (besides chef and q) that hasnt tried to pick a fight with somebody.
ReplyDeleteGood point. And I feel awful about not putting Q in that list.
ReplyDeleteeh- not so true. i was kinda rude to cutenbored for a minute. i would love to say that i am innocent and nice all the time but thats way too much credit for me :) but thank you for the pretty cool compliment!
ReplyDelete-allissa
i have never tried anything with anyone. as a matter of fact my first post is always, 'hello wonderful e-friends!'
ReplyDeleteI don't remeber you being rude to cutendbored.
ReplyDeleteAnd I hope you come back after New Years and talk about what you did Allissa.
That's true anonymous. You are always trying to bring peace and harmony around here.
ReplyDeleteIt must be hard to be so nice sometimes.
i also recall that my first reply to cbt was, 'cbt, you are like the older (much older) brother i never wanted.'
ReplyDeletespurs, its nice being hard all the time. or something like that.
ReplyDeleteYou mean "always" wanted.
ReplyDeletei mean 'never'.
ReplyDeletewell she posted her pic and then was suprised everyone wasnt like omg you are soo cute! just seemed silly. i wasnt like raging biotch but i kinda attacked her for being so dumb. then again.. she brought it upon herself that one time. and you know who i think is just the nicest most sweetest person ever? RQ. i wish she would be apart of my life so that i could learn her ways. and of course ill be back after the new year. nothing too exciting will happen im sure.. probably just the usual drinking hanging out and of course doing the hokey pokey in the street at midnight.
ReplyDelete-allissa
too bad cbt got all fucked up on ragweed and popov vodka and had to pass out in the snow. we could have had many lols with him around.
ReplyDeleteThat's right. Now I remember you having some words for her. Yeah, I think she regretted sending her pic in. And I somewhat regret posting it.
ReplyDeletei would never, ever post my pic. NEVER!
ReplyDeleteI don't think CBT passed out in the snow anonymous. Or by snow do you mean blow? I don't think he'd pass out if that was around. Unless it was cut with sleeping pills.
ReplyDeleteWhy not?
ReplyDeleteGood way of looking at things.
ReplyDeletecan someone tell that old prick that in order to have a sugar baby, you actually need to be a sugar daddy and to be a sugar daddy you need to have CASH. How do you impress these women? by giving them a tour of the grain silo your daddy built in 1825? wtf? you're a loser. I bet you do not own one decent pair of shoes.
ReplyDeleteYeah, that's true. And then some of them never come back, which really sucks.
ReplyDeletewell isnt it way later where CBT is? so its normal that he goes to bed early? he has to wake up early and start his barely legal girl hunting?that makes sense to me that he would be asleep.
ReplyDelete-allissa
you guys even pick on tards. look what happened to dj and cadimino.
ReplyDeleteThat's funny Giraffe.
ReplyDeleteGiraffe and Allissa:
ReplyDeleteI guess you saw his comment earlier about that one chick visiting him?