I send an e-mail to Giraffe asking her how her last date went:
OH SPURS FAN (she actually used my first name, but only Drew and Pam are allowed to do that, being we are pals and all), well, it is hard to know where we left off. I've been on several dates. I've invested in a stethoscope. Well, it was only $24. I thought it was a good idea since my last date was really old and he (old codger) kept nodding off. He looked like a wax figure and I was highly suspicious at first. But, desperation will drive you to do many things, SPURS FAN. Please meet Vic. His pic is attached. Oh, as an aside, Vic absolutely DEMANDS that his women be above average in looks. And he will claw your eyes out if you dispute for one second that he is a "sharp dresser". I'd like to push him against the edge of a sharp dresser after Saturday night.
What is your problem? Of course Vic here is picky and and insists his women are above average in looks. Isn't this guy Gary Busey's dad?
This guy looks like he drinks entirely too much. I bet he sweats out alcohol all day.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, Spurs, you notice the Suns won again? They have that 2 seed in sight.
He does look like a boozer. He's got a bad case of the red skin.
ReplyDeleteAnd yeah, I noticed the Suns won bud.
Kind of looks like he's got some anger issues too.
ReplyDeleteOh, and Giraffe, thanks for sending this.
ReplyDeleteVic is so orange and so old. Is RQ trying to pull an Anna?
ReplyDeleteFunny, I think she is. Maybe old Vic here owns some oil wells.
ReplyDeleteDid you see the game at all? Amare's had a poster in like the past five games. J Rich had a sick put back, too. It's going to be a long road trip without Lopez and Nash playing at 50%.
ReplyDeleteNah, I didn't watch the Suns. I already know they are going to lose in the playoffs, why bother watching them?
ReplyDeleteVic does have some sweet shades.
ReplyDeleteVic looks like he doesn't give a fuck about having his picture taken.
ReplyDeleteWhat do you do when you go out on a date with a man this old? Play bingo? Run while pushing his wheel chair?
ReplyDeletePlay bingo?
ReplyDeleteThat's funny. I was thinking shuffleboard or maybe going to the casino to play slots.
Nickel slots to be exact.
ReplyDeleteI used to use my grandma's walker as monkey bars and do flips on it. Maybe RQ does that to pass the time away.
ReplyDeleteMonkey bars? How old were you? Six? Walkers aren't that big.
ReplyDeleteOr maybe its because she thinks he is VIP because he always gets front row parking when in fact it's just a handicapped space.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if he picks her up in his Rascal when they go on a date?
ReplyDeleteThat's funny DG.
ReplyDeleteI just read that Spencer Pratt is now going to go by the name of Running Bear. I wonder what old bear thinks of that.
ReplyDeleteRunning Bear? Are you serious?
ReplyDeleteAnd Old Bear isn't around anymore DG, have some class.
Spider Bear (CBT, and that's from Anonymous saying CBT has a web of lies going, hence Spider Bear) wouldn't find that funny DG.
ReplyDeleteAnd Old Bear's real name was Never Sleeps in the Winter Bear.
ReplyDeleteI used it up til I was about 12 I think. They are really not that small to do flips on. You are obviously not that creative, spurs.
ReplyDeleteI guess not.
ReplyDeleteWell, Running Bear is around so CBT should be happy. I also read Jesse James is in Tucson. Elfie should go have an affair!
ReplyDeleteI bet Vic's idea of a night on the town is lunch at Luby's and a matinee.
ReplyDeleteShe should DG, that's thoughtful of you looking out for her.
ReplyDeleteI really never read the old bear story. I sometimes skip over CBT's rambling.
ReplyDeleteWell, he was a shaman, he passed away and CBT was supposed to take his place.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'd like to know what happened on Saturday night that made Giraffe want to push Vic against the edge of a sharp dresser.
ReplyDeleteI bet Sharp Dressed Man is the song he sets his alarm to every morning.
ReplyDeleteI didn't know that was a song. But I see it's by ZZ Top.
ReplyDeleteActually, Vic's idea of a good time is getting really drunk at Eli's and telling everyone he looks like David Ducovny. And someone finally said he looks more like Soupy Sales. Even I do not know who the fuck that is, but I agreed. The whole bar agreed.
ReplyDeleteHe does look like Soupy Sales, the bar was right.
ReplyDeleteand Vic's favorite trick is to say he needs to go and trade out his vintage sports car for a "safer" drunk ride. So, being naive, I fall for it and I'm then held prisoner at his home, with no decent company except for a giant hermit crab that lives in a polluted fish tank, who, coincidentally, was also trying to escape. I hope he made it.
ReplyDeleteSo what happened on Saturday night Giraffe?
ReplyDeleteI kid you not, there was like month old spaghetti sauce on the stove, and he poured himself a bowl of (no noodles, just sauce) and didn't use a spoon, fork, nothing, just drank the shit not even heated up, which begs the question why the fuck did he keep it on the stove.
ReplyDeleteDG,
ReplyDeleteYeah, I've heard that song numerous times, I didn't know that was the name of the song.
Vic and I went to dinner. He had, I kid you not, about five straight scotches before the appetizer arrived. And just got increasingly drunk, slouching in his seat, slurred speech. All the while I'm thinking, hey man, that's my role, not yours. I'll be fucked if you think I'm your babysitter.
ReplyDeleteso I started throwing them back too. I could not even eat my dinner my stomach was sloshing around so much. Then I insisted we go out and dance, and that is where he made a total ass of himself. Even in my state, I thought he was totally out of control. Like Tarzan on the dance floor, whipping his shirt open and grinding on this TABLE where there were about five women seated. insane. insane. insane. So then we were going to go someplace else, but he wanted to go and trade his car in for his SUV. that is when i was held captive.
ReplyDeleteSo what ended up happening?
ReplyDeleteAnd was his house at least nice?
ReplyDeleteyeah, but he was gross. gross.
ReplyDeletedo you think he will be able to fix those drains?
That's funny. So has he tried to get in contact with you again?
ReplyDeletei hope not, I was going to clog the toilets, but didn't really know how to.
ReplyDeleteshit. next time I am just dialing 911 but they won't come and get me anymore because i didn't pay my ambulance bill from last time.
ReplyDeleteHow tall is he? He looks short and stocky like Joe Pesci.
ReplyDeletefuck this town, i'm going to bed.
ReplyDeleteNo, he is not short, DG, he just has some kind of thing where his shoulders are frozen in place.
ReplyDeletedon't forget to go to Shaw Butte, DG. It is supposed to rain Thursday and Friday, so the wildflowers will be there another week.
ReplyDeleteOf course it will rain on Friday because that is my day off. Where is shaw butte?
ReplyDeleteSo I take it you are feeling a lot better now Giraffe? (I'm referring to your surgery, not the aftermath of your date with Mr. Smooth here)
ReplyDeleteHe does take good care of his collar. Or maybe that is just a new shirt.
ReplyDeletei must now slumber in my sleeping chamber.
ReplyDeleteGood night Giraffe, I'm glad you stopped by.
ReplyDeleteno, i am still very sick, and my stomach, let me fucking tell you...i got a tummy tuck to hide that scar? well, my stomach is so BIG HUGE SWOLLEn I look like i'm about to give birth to a fucking alien. vic's child.
ReplyDeleteHe probably has a good dry cleaner DG.
ReplyDeleteHow long is it supposed to be swollen like that?
ReplyDeleteI am pissed beyond belief. that surgery was 12k. unbelievable. i am so mad. And not to mention I almost bled to death and needed to be fetched by an ambulance. oh, and get this, the next day after my emergency surgery, there was this really fucking cute RN...walks in the room and you know what he asks me? I think, hell yeah, he's gonna flirt with me...NO...
ReplyDeleteHe fucking asks me "are you passing gas??"
ReplyDeleteWTF?
Why would he ask that?
ReplyDeleteI don't know spurs, but none of my clothing fits. i run around town looking like I shop at kohl's which I did because i needed some cheap pants to tide me over till the swelling goes away. I should send you a picture of the FAT me and what kind of suit I have to wear to the pool to hide all my new shortcomings.
ReplyDeleteVic kinda reminds me of this pilot I flew with once that kept insisting I touch his athletic thighs to show me he can keep up with the young guys.
ReplyDeleteHave you asked the doctor about the swelling?
ReplyDeleteBecause after surgery, I guess people pass gas. And i was like, dude, I cannot even cough without passing out, hell no i'm not passing gas.
ReplyDeleteThen i had to pee, and he had to help me to my portable pink potty that was in the room, with my gown split open in the back
That pilot sounds smooth DG.
ReplyDeleteI have to get my tubes reinserted next week if it doesn't go away. Walk around with those fucking drains hanging out.
ReplyDeleteSo I take it you are done with the surgeries?
ReplyDeleteHowever, if the drains come back, I've discovered they are the color of this really rare wine a guy I hate likes to drink. So, I will empty them in a wine glass and have him drink them.
ReplyDeleteThat's right up there with DG emptying her pedegg shavings on her boyfriends spaghetti
This is the reason why nurses are supposed to be either women or gay men. The ones that look good are not supposed to see you in these situations.
ReplyDeleteoh my god, this old geezer did that to me. he grabbed my hand and made me feel. It felt like bone. I was like, that is hard because it is bone, there is no muscle. it had wasted away. gross.
ReplyDeleteYou two run into some real champions.
ReplyDeleteI know, DG, it was humiliating. People in frail health like I was, on my deathbed, and no respect. I have new found empathy for the forgotten elderly.
ReplyDeleteVic doesn't happen to be a pilot for US Air does he?
ReplyDeleteBut, you know, the morphine did really help. When he gave me that all was forgiven.
ReplyDeleteIndeed, the forgotten elderly is a sad situation.
ReplyDeleteYes, morphine rocks.
ReplyDeletehaha...no his eyesight sucks. just look at the shirt color.
ReplyDeleteI go around with my dog Kodi to old folk's home. They smell bad and Kodi does not like the smell at all.
ReplyDeleteHe won't even get out of the car, he knows where he is going, but I force him to. Even dogs need to get out of their comfort zone.
ReplyDeleteand it makes me look like an angel, so if kodi needs to suffer, well, then so be it.
ReplyDeleteand one of these days, I just know I will find stashes of cash underneath a mattress like the urban legend.
ReplyDeleteYou only go there to find your next date, RQ.
ReplyDeleteI'm a good person. night.
ReplyDeleteDo you look under their mattresses Giraffe?
ReplyDeleteAnd good night. Sweet dreams.
ReplyDeleteI do think that is nice that you take your dog to old folks homes. That's cool.
Spurs your a weirdo
ReplyDeleteWhat's up Pam?
ReplyDeleteWhy do you say that?
I was thinking of how stupid it is to see who she went on a date with lol is all
ReplyDeleteWell, I thought it was a good post.
ReplyDeleteSo what are you up to this evening Pam?
But Pam, we got to see your deformed foot date too. He wasn't much better than this one.
ReplyDeleteThat's right. Good point DG. I forgot about alien man.
ReplyDeleteOh yeah, My bad. I am just sitting in my room, exhausted on life tonight. I had a rough weekend, I am not over it yet lol.
ReplyDeleteWhat did you do over the weekend?
ReplyDeleteThe guy from San Diego I met in Miami was in town for Jay Z so I stayed with him at the palms and went to too many clubs I really hate clubs. Then sunday was the killer I went out with my roomates girlfriend before her leaving for italy and I Was out all night at some strip club and a bar.
ReplyDeleteI prefer working and being at home and tanning =) much more productive, no one gets far by saying " I drank a ton last night "
That movie Bully is on HBO. Such a great movie.
ReplyDeleteSo how is your job going?
ReplyDeleteAnd did you have fun with the guy from San Diego?
Works slow but I did the photoshoot so moneys okay for now =_) . The guy from san diego is a bitch, uhg. You might remember him not sure, he was posted on that other blog site with me and flipped shit because of his image. I hadnt seen him since hten, hes a porn god man he started " www.naughtyamerica.com " lol I ended up being grumpy and yelled at him woopsies.
ReplyDeleteWoopsies indeed.
ReplyDeleteSo do you plan on seeing San Diego again?
ReplyDeleteHmm he said he wanted to fly me out next month, but I honestly don't care to see him. I told him off because I was drunk and high and I let him know how I actually felt. & it was used lol. I really have slowed down on my life decisions of who I let in, and I don't think its healthy to fly to see a guy with one intention
ReplyDeleteSmart thinking Pam.
ReplyDeleteSo you didn't bang him this time?
A global warming activist froze to death in Antartica. How ironic is that?
ReplyDeleteI did but then I felt dirty and told him I did lol. Then he gave me 50 for a cab the next day I pocketed it and got a ride home
ReplyDeletesmart thinking huh
That's hilarious DG. Where is that story?
ReplyDelete$50?
ReplyDeleteBrilliant thinking Pam, not smart thinking.
=) thanks, I asked my mom on a text if it was a morally okay thing to do and she said yes lol
ReplyDeletehttp://www.thefoxnation.com/global-warming/2010/03/29/global-warming-activist-freezes-death-antarctica
ReplyDelete"Morally okay thing to do?"
ReplyDeleteThat was a good laugh.
So Pam, did soccer boy ever come back into town?
ReplyDeleteI need to shake my grumpy bones. I cant seem to be nice in the last three days
ReplyDeleteDG, that story is irony at its finest.
ReplyDeleteWhat has made you so grumpy?
ReplyDeleteWell he did but thats how I ended up here I told him I had never met such a rude person and id rather never talk to him then marry a green card wanter lol
ReplyDeleteNo clue =)
ReplyDeleteSo do you think Beckham will leave you alone now?
ReplyDeleteOmg spurs! You are going to be so excited! They now have gay porn in 3d! Did you order your copy yet?
ReplyDeleteSounds like you are excited DG.
ReplyDeletelol =)
ReplyDeletemarvins visiting in a week =)
I am excited for you. Finally you will have something to do and since you have to order it you won't ruin your dad's laptop this time.
ReplyDeleteOh yeah? And what about your friend Panda or whatever her name is?
ReplyDeleteWhat's she up to?
Just full of comedic gold tonight, aren't you DG?
ReplyDeleteAnd I ruined my parents' desktop, not a laptop.
ReplyDeleteathena is here, she and I are not on talking terms
ReplyDeleteShe is on a high horse of going back to the good life, she is very bi polar. The owner of the house I live in also told her I was a better room mate. It got awkward so she left..
ReplyDeleteOh well lol
So where she's out now?
ReplyDeleteseattle but in vegas for vacation
ReplyDelete*at* now
ReplyDeleteThat's cool. You should at least make sure she gets him all right.
So I take it you are planning on staying in Vegas for awhile?
I have a room and a lease here so yeah its home, its been a month and a half now.. other then today me being upset, I am happy here
ReplyDeleteIf you are happy Pam, then that is great.
ReplyDeleteIts funny when I used to do coke and take photos and slit my wrist. That seems so gross now, I must have been really unhappy when I first got here =)
ReplyDeleteSo you've laid off the blow?
ReplyDeleteHavent done it since that first week
ReplyDeleteThat's good Pam.
ReplyDeleteNice pic by the way.
ReplyDeletethanks =) I am sleep gnite!!
ReplyDeleteGood night Pam. Glad you came by.
ReplyDeleteDidn't RQ's date play the old Indian in "The Outlaw Josey Wales"?
ReplyDelete"And Old Bear's real name was Never Sleeps in the Winter Bear."
ReplyDeleteIt was "Bear Awake In The Winter", Spurs.
"I bet Vic's idea of a night on the town is lunch at Luby's and a matinee."
ReplyDeleteI don't think so. Vic looks like one of those guys who drinks a lot of high end bourbon, gambles like a motherfucker and hires pussy because he doesn't have the patience to deal with women who have their clothes on. I bet he hasn't figured RQ isn't an escort yet.
I think me and him would get along.
"Rocket Queen said...
ReplyDeleteHe fucking asks me "are you passing gas??"
WTF?"
I just blew coffee out my nose! The dude must've seen the video where RQ farted.
"It was "Bear Awake In The Winter", Spurs."
ReplyDeleteThat's right CBT, my bad.
http://www.livescience.com/culture/obama-anti-christ-100325.html
ReplyDeleteWhat's up Spurs?
ReplyDeleteNot much CBT, how's it going?
ReplyDeleteIndeed, that whole Anti-Christ thing is pure garbage. I did see where Obama is pushing to drill off the shore of Virginia, which I think is a great thing. It won't happen, but hopefully, like when Bush talked about drilling, oil prices will go down.
ReplyDeleteSpurs, I think it will happen. Obama's put the Republicans in the position of having to either vote for it because it's a good idea or vote against it because Obama suggested it and the Democrats in the reverse position.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/36107405/ns/business-oil_and_energy/
ReplyDeleteOil prices really no longer have anything to do with supply and demand.
ReplyDeleteWell, you know the EPA fags will file a lawsuit. But then again, being their boy is now in the Whitehouse, maybe they'll be like the rest of the hypocrites (i.e. war) and say, "Well, Obama is doing it, so we'll go along with it and not bash him like we did Bush."
ReplyDelete"Oil prices really no longer have anything to do with supply and demand."
ReplyDeleteBingo. It's all speculators.
And, once again, the onus for pulling the month out rests on ol' CBT. I have three deals working that might pull it out today.
ReplyDeleteSo what you do will affect the rest of the salespeople as well?
ReplyDeleteHow did it go with that restaurant nut?
ReplyDelete"Bingo. It's all speculators."
ReplyDeleteThat's inherently wrong. I have a huge distaste for Wall Street.
Well, the Enron traders had to go somewhere. That's not bullshit either.
ReplyDeleteBtw, I love how RQ used to bash on my younger women when all she is is an old version of them chasing an old version of me.
ReplyDeleteThe Enron traders should have gone to jail.
ReplyDeleteDid you ever watch The Smartest Guys in the Room? If not, do yourself a favor and check it out.
ReplyDelete"Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for dinner. Liberty is a well armed lamb contesting the vote."-Benjamin Franklin
ReplyDelete"SPURS FAN said...
ReplyDeleteDid you ever watch The Smartest Guys in the Room? If not, do yourself a favor and check it out."
I have. It could have been about Asbury Auto Corporate.
I thought it was great. Especially the way the energy traders fucked California.
ReplyDeleteJesus RQ is a pathetic, disgrace of a human being, with a nonexistent self esteem.
ReplyDeleteThat was a nice thought in the morning bud.
ReplyDeleteSo what are you up to today Wopness?
ReplyDeletesame ol shit...
ReplyDeleteI hear you man.
ReplyDeleteI don't think you'd talk to CBT like that if you knew he was giving a big speech on April 15th at a TEA party Giraffe.
ReplyDeleteSo how much of the "tens of millions of dollars" have you gotten your grubby old talons on yet, Queenie?
ReplyDeleteI'm betting my girls are making out way better than you are.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteprobably to a gaggle of old biddies talking about health care reform, a subject he knows nothing about. CBT just likes to hear himself talk,so it is a good thing the majority of the crowd will be deaf. he will act as their health care savior.
ReplyDeleteHave a great day at the tea party, "Chief" haha what the fuck ever.
ps. Obama hates you, CBT.
Well, I guess they are making out good in Baxter county consider there is a barter system in effect and your girls can trade in the bales of hay you provide them with.
ReplyDeleteThe day they start taking bales of hay at Nieman Marcus, I'll look you up.
ReplyDelete"the difference between YOU and the men I date, CBT is tens of millions of dollars. "
ReplyDeleteHahahaa oh please, you delusional old bitch. Yeah Mr. Geritol up there looks like he has 23K in his bank accounts if he is lucky
my talons are not even grubby, by the way, and I take strong offense to the inference.
ReplyDeleteObama hates poor rednecks. Two words that define CBT.
ReplyDeleteWell, WOP, takes one to know one, huh?
ReplyDeleteAll you can get is middle class, 80 year old drunks, because they are the only other ones on the planet that think you are as good looking as you do
ReplyDeleteI'm depressed enough, I'm leaving.
ReplyDeletehahaha.. are you fucking high, WOP? You tell your clients you will come to them for a consultation out of favor to them, when the truth is, you work out of your fucking car and have no office.
ReplyDeleteOn second thought, you are probably some loser fucking public defender. in your office is the standard government issued furniture: a rotary phone, a steel coat rack, a steel swivel chair with vinyl padding, and a metal really unattractive desk. all from 50's government surplus.
ReplyDeleteI think he probably has a better phone than a rotary one Giraffe, but that's funny.
ReplyDeletethat is why you are bored at work. A real lawyer would be busy with his case files, trying to get his clients a fair deal. You should be disbarred. Green behind the ears, no money , wanna be ghetto thug loser.
ReplyDeleteshut up and leave me alone.
no, spurs, seriously, i do not think so.
ReplyDeleteHahaha thats all funny RQ. The difference between my insults of you, compared to your insults of me.. is that my insults contain appx. 90% truth, whereas your contain 0%
ReplyDeletei have to go now, i am upset. bye
ReplyDeleteoh, yeah, WOP? Is that philosophy extended to your clients? Probably so, which is why they do not stand a chance.
ReplyDelete"A real lawyer would be busy with his case files, trying to get his clients a fair deal. "
ReplyDeleteI have a staff for that
I don't think you are really upset Giraffe, but thanks for coming by.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, Jose, you are going to jail. Why? Because you're attorney spent more time scratching his nuts than he did on your case. and when he wasn't scratching his nuts, he was posing with parking meters or on spursfan.com
ReplyDelete"Rocket Queen said...
ReplyDeletei have to go now, i am upset. bye"
Yet another example of you trying to garner attention to fed your nonexistent self esteem, the never ending "im leaving" threats. Every-fucking-time
Don't let they door hit you in that scrawny, withered old ass of yours on the way out, Queenie.
ReplyDeleteJose was guilty anyway... hahaa
ReplyDeleteOH MY GOD THAT IS SO FUNNY, YOU HAVE NO STAFF. NOW YOU ARE ACTUALLY TELLING ME THAT YOU HAVE A STAFF? THAT MEANS YOU ALSO HAVE CPA'S.
ReplyDeleteLYING SACK OF SHIT, GO COMPLETE YOUR 1040(A) AND GET TO WORK
MY ASS IS FAT, I AM HAVING A PROBLEM WITH WATER RETENTION.
ReplyDeleteGOOD RIDDANCE.
ReplyDeleteWell actually a legal staff does not HAVE to contain CPA's.. However I do employ a book keeper, and there is a CPA here in the building
ReplyDeleteAnother fake exit RQ? Oh please keep them coming
ReplyDeleteRQ wears corrective shoes.
ReplyDeleteRQ should wear a straight jacket, and a bicycle helmet with a propeller on top. The nonsense she spews she HAS to be crazy AND retarded
ReplyDelete