Last night my ex came to the door with the cops to retrieve the BOSS suit he gave me and his hamster. He is so fucking dumb that he doesn't even realize I still have his fancy avacado muddler, too. He will be seeing the suit and muddler again, though they will be in a form he won't easily recognize. BUT, he has laid his eyes on the hamster for the last time.
Anyway, can you ask that urbane faggot WOP if a judge will issue a search warrant for a Hamster? They wanted to come inside last night and search my place but I refused. Also, the Hamster's current name is Carlos, which is like one step removed from the Mexican name "Jesus"...given my contempt for illegal aliens, I'd really like to find something more befitting.
Thanks,
G.
ps. I've attached a picture of the suit and of the hamster.
I like that suit Giraffe. If you buy Oz (Wopness) a trough to eat his food out of and maybe throw in a salt lick his fat ass might help you out.
As far as the hamster? Well, if he's anything like Avery he'll get death threats and maybe even get shot, so you could go with JFK, but I'd name him your ex's name. Or Bonanza for the DVD's you're going to litter his trees and lawn with.
That suit is hideous and very ill fitting. I would think someone with such great financial means would be able to afford to take their suit to a goddamn tailor. and might I add who for fucks sake wears suits with shoulder pads anymore?! That is circa 1987, just like your hair style.
ReplyDeleteDo you at least have a name for her hamster?
ReplyDeleteI would suggest naming her hampster after her herself. "Joke" or "laughing stock" seem fitting.
ReplyDeleteThose aren't very nice names.
ReplyDeleteI bet a webcam would find you in some juicy knock off sweats and a tight fitting shirt to showcase you're only attribute, which is your store bought tits.
ReplyDeletenewsflash, a sexy brain far exceeds a sexy body and I happen to have both and then some.
I'm better than you, Elfie.
Supermodel good looks and a better than Einstein brain.
but, that is what makes me the Queen, I guess.
ReplyDeleteI will attest, it is lonely at the top.
cheerio sub-peasants.
"and a better than Einstein brain."
ReplyDeleteThat's funny Giraffe.
oh, and by the way Elfie, go pretend to be in the midst of churning out window orders while you think of something clever to say.
ReplyDeleteLaughing stock. yeah, I'm the one who dresses like a harlot tart for halloween under the pretense of "getting in the spirit" with my children just so I can shove my overgrown tits in the neighborhood men's faces in order to establish a bit of power.
cheer up, Elfie. It's almost Halloween! That's when you shine, once a year, getting your ego boosted by men who make about 30k a year. wow.
wah, wah..you crying yet? wah wah wah.
the truth usually is, spurs.
ReplyDeleteI'm angry, I gotta go and do something productive.
Thanks for helping with the names. So far I really really like JFK.
Yeah, sorry I couldn't come up with anything better. Giraffe if I were you I'd just keep the suit, DVD's and hamster.
ReplyDeleteMy daughter is taller than me already RQ and never wore my hand me downs. I am a tiny size 3 in juniors and cannot wear women's clothes because the waist to hip ratio is always too close (mostly for pre-menopausal women who tend to gain weight in their mid-section)
ReplyDeleteYes I'm on section 8 and drive an acura... you are ridculous and OLD. You also need your neanderthal brow shaved down, maybe the next time you get your flaccid 42 yr old skin yanked up and reattahed to your hairline they can throw that in for ya.
so what you're saying is you do indeed have a fucked up body when compared to nicely proportioned chicks. Maybe you can further leech off the system and get a handicap sticker for your car due to your wip/waist ration.
ReplyDeletewhat the fuck is that? hahaha nobody cares.
I was busy, I just got a lovely cactus bouquet delivered to me...
ReplyDeletegiven your lack of substanative qualities, Elfie, I strongly advocate you continue your rollerderby style modeling...posing next to cars doing donuts in dirt pits in your cheap bikini.
ReplyDeletebitch puh-leese.
It's called being curvy sweet cheeks. I have a 24" waist with 36" inch hips... not a handicap, it's a god given gift.
ReplyDeletethose proportions look nice on me because I'm tall - but on a midget like yourself, it's a freak show. Refer to post below. Maybe some cops will leave their posts and pay to watch you do mundane office tasks. Then you can get off of section 8.
ReplyDeleteI'm surprised you havent gotten any cactus bouquets sent you, I mean with your lovely demeanor and all. Although really you are not a prickly bitch but rather a dried up ugly cunt, but you cannot really send a bouquet of cunts, now can you?
ReplyDeletecome to think of it, you useless bitch, how on earth does someone leeching off the system afford boobs?
ReplyDeletewhat the fuck? the system is failing.
"Rocket Queen said...
ReplyDeletegiven your lack of substanative qualities, Elfie, I strongly advocate you continue your rollerderby style modeling...posing next to cars doing donuts in dirt pits in your cheap bikini.
bitch puh-leese."
I'm pretty sure Elfie looks better in a cheap bikini than RQ would an expensive one.
HEY EVERYONE, IF YOU PAID TAXES, YOU OWN ELFIE'S TITS.
ReplyDeleteExactly... someone leaching off the system cannot afford boobs, or private school for their children or to drive a nice car. Ummmm something here doesn't quite fit does it?
ReplyDeleteelfie, you are a fucking receptionist selling windows. The only thing you talk about more than your migraines is that your family owns a fleet of delapidated buses that transports illegals to and from the fields, where your children probably toil in order for you to afford what little luxuries you have. case solved, it does add up.
ReplyDeleteIf you think I'm going to sit around and be besieged like this you are crazy. I'm leaving.
ReplyDeletetoodles.
I don't think you are "besieged" Giraffe. I think you are doing the besieging.
ReplyDeleteI mentioned the busses once, and it is my ex step-father that owns the bus company, my mom lives on residual income from investments and takes tango classes, my father is a loser musician. But hey I have a family that claims me and they don't have any restraining orders against me.. doubt you can say that same about yourself.
ReplyDeleteok, spurs, well, that is food for thought that i will ponder today while carrying out various tasks of revenge.
ReplyDeleteMy mom is thin, 5'9" tall and looks pretty dan good for being 62 yrs old. and the bus company is a national company, not a local company, you dumb broad.
ReplyDeleteLet us know what you end up coming up with Giraffe. I know that AZ Anonymous probably has some ideas.
ReplyDeleteElfie, the mere fact that you need to defend what your mother looks like says a lot about your self-esteem.
ReplyDeleteAnd, I venture to say you were either adopted or your dad must have been a 4'2" mexican illegal migrant worker, given your lack of stature.
thank you, Spurs. I am going to eat now.
ReplyDeleteOh and they even have busses in some of Europe.
ReplyDeleteWhen your own family puts a restraining on you it's pretty much evidence that you're BATSHIT FUCKING LONEY TOONS.
ReplyDelete"Columbo said...
ReplyDeleteJudging by these two pics, Id rather fuck the hamster"
Now that was funny, and pretty sad because so would I.
and maybe I deserve a bit of wrath, but the hamster? wtf has he done.
ReplyDeletethat's going too far.
nah...i'm gonna eat lunch.
ReplyDeletecheerio.
I'm a giraffe.
oh man. i miss rq making regular appearances. good to see shes still in the spirit of things. and a hearty hello, rq.
ReplyDeleterq, also under state law you dont have to give back gifts. so you can just say the suit and hamster were gifts and you can keep them.
ReplyDeleteGiraffe:
ReplyDeleteHave fun with your meal. And "Columbo" is Oz. He fancies himself a detective.
aw man, she left? damn.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Anon! I am going to look that up right now. That will be nice to print out and plaster on his car along with the DVD's.
ReplyDeleteBye my lovelies (anon and spurs).
did you know that hugo boss manufactured the nazi ss uniforms?
ReplyDeleteThanks for your help with the pic Anonymous.
ReplyDeleteI didn't know that. Interesting.
ReplyDeletegoodbye rq. please come back later on after your lunch.
ReplyDeleteI didn't leave but I need to because I have a lot of stuff to take care of before my ex gets off of work at 6pm. Heading to lunch and home depot where I am going to ask for some good car glue that will withstand the heat. Today is a good day because it is only 100.
ReplyDeletebiyeeeeeeeeeee
ReplyDeleteLater Giraffe. Have fun with the hijinks.
ReplyDeleteBatshit crazy.
ReplyDeleteSee Giraffe? I figured AZ Anonymous could think of a few things.
ReplyDeleteand also squirting a product called j-b weld into his door jambs works wonders. even better when you put it into his door locks. then he cant unlock his car with the keys.
ReplyDeleteok guys. i have to run myself. but i shall return.
ReplyDeleteLater Anonymous.
ReplyDeleteWhat's up Astrid? Killing the hamster seems a little extreme.
ReplyDeleteFunny. Well that's a good suggestion then.
ReplyDeleteif she doesn't want to kill it maybe she can get some spare parts from a butcher and put livers and guts in his mailbox instead... lol
ReplyDeleteputting mustard on his widows will piss him off and be annoying.. but scaring the shit of out him forever is more my style
You ever done some crazy things to an ex Astrid?
ReplyDeleteyes I have.. have you spurs?
ReplyDeleteNope. What kind of things have you done?
ReplyDeleteI say RQ shoves the hamster in her surgically created pussy then blow her own head off on his front porch minutes before he gets there. Then to really fuck with him leave a suicide note, making him aware that he had been sleeping with a former man
ReplyDeletePretty colorful Oz.
ReplyDeleteCalm down, Oz. I like Astrid's idea more, but she did say that she likes the little guy, so perhaps not.
ReplyDeleteI vote for Murray to be his new name.
Murray? Interesting kinkyb!tch. Why Murray?
ReplyDeleteIt just popped in my head as soon as I saw his little face.
ReplyDeleteHey kinkyb!tch, Oz, you two ever do anything to any of your exes?
ReplyDeleteI once dated a guy that had some fancy car and he really cared about it.. he bought a really nice stereo system for it.. I thought it was all stupid.. I don't even know what kind of car it was, but it was 2 fast 2 furious..
ReplyDeleteI also knew a white kid from Chicago who wanted to be a gangsta. He wanted a 2 fast 2 furious car, so I told him about my ex's. He could take the face of the stereo system off as a security feature, but he put it under his seat.
I don't the gangsta wannabe all about his car, and he went and broke into it and stole his stereo system. He duct taped the diver side window and smashed it out.. He thought he was all cool.
Murray would be a good name for him.
ReplyDeleteColorful as well Columbo.
ReplyDeleteSPURS FAN said...
ReplyDeleteHey kinkyb!tch, Oz, you two ever do anything to any of your exes?
No, they usually stalk me
And you set it all up Astrid.
ReplyDeleteHe is so cute! A boy will not know how to properly care for him and we all know men can't wipe their ass unless someone else bought the toilet paper and put it in the bathroom for him, so her ex cannot care for him either. She absolutely should not return him. That would be negligent on her part, and I dont want that crime on her record, it may prohibit her from applying to take her boards in a few years.
ReplyDeleteIs that right Oz? You've had some stalkers?
ReplyDeleteGreat advice kinkyb!tch.
ReplyDeleteOh sure, I've done lots of things to people when they've pissed me off. I am pretty easy going and I am nice enough to accept that no one is as perfect as me, so I do give second chances. Fuck with me after that chance though and you will be sorry.
ReplyDeleteI actually kind of begged the little wannabe to break into his car and take his stereo... I figured it would be a win win for both of us, and he did it.
ReplyDeleteHe put the stereo in his car and we listed to music on and partied in a park with a bunch of other fast and furious wannabes..
I think I'm going to try to come up with a way to test you kinkyb!tch.
ReplyDeleteHow long did you hang out with the Fast and Furious wannabes until you got tired of the scene?
ReplyDeleteSPURS FAN said...
ReplyDeleteIs that right Oz? You've had some stalkers?
3, to be exact
I knew him, but he really wasn't a friend of mine.. He also had a crush on me for a little while, but he was respectful around me. He didn't expect me to sleep with him for doing that.
ReplyDeletedid the gangster wanna-be have a rice day with his new stereo?
ReplyDeleteSure you have Oz.
ReplyDeleteI would have gotten "paid" upfront Astrid.
ReplyDeleteRice day? Funny Anonymous.
ReplyDeleteSPURS FAN said...
ReplyDeleteSure you have Oz.
Couldnt give less of a shit if you believe it or not. Its not something i am proud of by any means, it fucking sucked ass
Yeah, what exactly did they do to make you call them a stalker, Oz? Call you after you broke up? Or did you get a call from an unavailable number and just assume it was one of them and then hand them that title?
ReplyDeleteWhat type of things did they do Oz?
ReplyDeleteI also tried telling the Mormon that I was a lesbian to get him to leave me alone.. I learned that from somebody I met in Germany.. lol
ReplyDeleteHe was debating to tell a girl that from Yugoslavia, because she would not break off contact with him. He was from England, and she wanted to be his mail order bride.
uh oh. looks like the 'zarks are gonna be famous.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.imdb.com/title/tt1399683/
RQ looks kinda tan in this pic. I need to know where she goes so I can look golden like her.
ReplyDeleteWhat did the Mormon think of that Astrid?
ReplyDeleteI am going to do spray tanning instead of beds and sun tanning.. it's better for your skin.. I don't want to get winkles! lol
ReplyDeletewinkles?
ReplyDeleteWinter's Bone Anonymous?
ReplyDeleteWalk outside kinkyb!tch.
ReplyDeleteyeah. its about living in the 'zarks.
ReplyDeleteHe told me that I needed to pray.. and that God really did make me gay.. lol
ReplyDeleteNobody likes winkles!
ReplyDeletereally didn't
ReplyDeleteGod made you gay? Nice.
ReplyDeleteReal funny kb, I'm laughing so hard. Just because you enjoy dating sick freaks and child molesters doesnt mean the rest of us like nut jobs.
ReplyDeleteSpurs- Break into my house, follow me, show up every place i would go, show up on dates, stalk my house and when they saw me with a girl there, scream cry and beat on the doors and windows disturbing the whole neighborhood, hack into e-mail accounts and myspace and send any girl I knew messages about me that were crazy as hell and (mostly) false, show up at my job and make a scene, show up at my grand mothers funeral and make a scene, show up at my moms house, email my dad, A bunch of shit
hahaha! maybe she might like twinkles?
ReplyDeleteCalm down, Columbo.
ReplyDeleteThat doesn't sound that bad anyway. Man up or spin off!
KB - it was bad to me, I dont know how to handle that shit, being as how I dont beat women, and I also dont snitch to the cops... I was powerless
ReplyDeleteI am not interested in seeing a movie with a title like Winter's Bone..
ReplyDeleteSounds messed up Oz.
ReplyDeleteI love twinkles too Anonymous!
ReplyDeleteoz, 2 words.... castor beans.
ReplyDeleteI agree kinkyb!tch. Spin off Oz.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I think they should have come up with a better name than Winter's Bone.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous said...
ReplyDeleteoz, 2 words.... castor beans.
i dont get it
ricin.
ReplyDeleteSpurs - you will never have to worry about a stalker, because A) you would ACTUALLY have to get a woman, and B) they would actually have to like you.
ReplyDeleteYou are safe, forever, little ugly man
I have a problem with putting e's in the wrong spot.. that is because of German.. When I spelled "guts" I was confused.. gute
ReplyDeleteAh yes I see now
ReplyDeletewhat up spurs
ReplyDeleteYou seem to be in a bad mood today fat boy.
ReplyDeletewow, that RQ is one angry dude... I hope it doesnt hurt the hamster
ReplyDeleteI am as a matter of fact, AIDS boy
ReplyDeleteNot much Miami. Left work early, relaxing at home. What are you up to?
ReplyDelete"Miami said...
ReplyDeletewow, that RQ is one angry dude... I hope it doesnt hurt the hamster"
Buahahahaa
first funny thing Miami has said her whole life!
Why are you in a bad mood, fatb, I mean Columbo?
ReplyDeleteOz
ReplyDeletewhat up queer
I didn't know Oz was Columbo.. I have been waiting for Columbo to say his signature line since he first appeared..
ReplyDeleteSpurs,
ReplyDeleteRQ did go off really hard on Elfie. Did they dislike each other before this post?
Hey chubs, why are you in a bad mood?
ReplyDeleteThat is just playful banter between the 2, Miami
ReplyDeleteThey've had problems for awhile Miami. Funny stuff.
ReplyDeleteI am guessing its OZ, because he is the only one who preemptively takes shots at me
ReplyDeleteRatg.. I mean KB, cause its hot, I fucked up a motion, and I havent been laid in 3 days.
ReplyDeleteI said I'd do one during the summer Oz, I'll do one. I promise.
ReplyDeleteOz is Columbo Astrid.
ReplyDeleteKeep it up, Wop. I deleted that last email I had with attatchments when Sours reminded me of your rat pellet comment.
ReplyDeleteKB - I was counting on that to put me in a better mood!
ReplyDeleteHow is your new baby boy doing Columbo?
ReplyDeleteYeah Oz, we were discussing kinkyb!tch's looks the other night, I remember you wrote that she looks like she eats rat pellets.
ReplyDeleteIt's not that hot, it's cause you are fat that you feel more suffocated than the rest of us. Second, didn't your knack for giving out ice cream paint jobs get you into this mess enough times? Cut it out already. If you weren't here dreaming about something that will never happen (giving Elfie RH) maybe that motion wouldn't be fucked up, dummy.
ReplyDeleteSpurs: no shit, thank you captain obvious. For the record though I do find KB very attractive, but give her shit when she calls me fat
ReplyDeleteAstrid: he is great! 13lbs, noisy, almost 2 months already
I don't understand why RQ acts like she has a problem with short people.. lol..
ReplyDeleteKate Moss is short and she is a supermodel and she is hot.. esp when she isn't on drugs. Elfie is a hot and not a druggy..
Astrid said...
ReplyDeleteHow is your new baby boy doing Columbo?
Considering he has not got laid in 3 days (read=mom has been doing all the work while Wop is MIA & is exhausted), he is probably doing great.
kate moss hot? seriously?
ReplyDeleteKate Moss is ugly, cat lady.
ReplyDelete"It's not that hot, it's cause you are fat that you feel more suffocated than the rest of us."
ReplyDeleteThat's funny kinkyb!tch.
Good one KB, and yeah I am really dreaming. No wonder you can't get a job, I wouldnt even want someone as dumb as you to flip my fucking burger.
ReplyDeleteGo to http://www.familywatchdog.us/, and find your neighborhood kiddie fucker to cheat with while your hubby pays all the bills
is his mom Italian or black.. or just a white girl with a big booty? I picture him being a tan little baby with lots of hair..
ReplyDeleteI think Kate Moss used to look really good.
ReplyDeleteAstrid said...
ReplyDeleteis his mom Italian or black.. or just a white girl with a big booty? I picture him being a tan little baby with lots of hair..
Filipina. And you pictured him perfectly.
He doesnt pay all the bills, just the ones I tell him to. And I do have a job, I help others with recovery post gastric bypass surgery. I'll see you on the 3rd, but will be off just when sponge bath time arrives. Bertha will be taking over my shift.
ReplyDeletelet's all just stop working and date old rich people like RQ.. then we won't have to complain and life will be perfect and dreamy
ReplyDeletewhat does RQ do, she is not a supermodel right?!?
ReplyDeletekb said...
ReplyDeleteHe doesnt pay all the bills, just the ones I tell him to. And I do have a job, I help others with recovery post gastric bypass surgery. I'll see you on the 3rd, but will be off just when sponge bath time arrives. Bertha will be taking over my shift.
Hahaa that was pretty funny I have to admit
bertha sounds hot too!
Miami, what do you do? I think I missed that.
ReplyDeleteWop, dry those tears, I am just fucking with you and still luff you the mostest.
doutzen kroes is way hotter than kate moss ever could be, imho.
ReplyDeleteRQ is a gold digger
ReplyDeleteI work for a private equity group.... that and rap
ReplyDeleteThat was funny about the bypass surgery kinkyb!tch.
ReplyDeleteRQ is a man, man
ReplyDelete"Wop, dry those tears, I am just fucking with you and still luff you the mostest. "
ReplyDeleteyeah I'll try real hard to stop crying, but it just hurt so much i think it'll take years to recover
you rap and live in Miami?
ReplyDeleteRobert VanWinkle posts on the site?? OMG, somebody hunt down Pam, she will be so excited.
SPURS FAN said...
ReplyDeleteThat was funny about the bypass surgery kinkyb!tch.
Stop piggybacking (gay) spurs
@Tubby quit copying me.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1edBjjBw9q4
ReplyDeletehere is a clip of me spitting hot fire
Columbo is really not fat, I wouldn't even say chubby. I have his naked pics, so I know.
ReplyDeleteColumbo, does your baby live with you?
ReplyDeleteKB, I spoke to pam before. But I think she got turned off when I said that she would have to take me to McDonalds for a Big Mac
ReplyDeleteRQ is a flight attendant now?
ReplyDeleteMiami:
ReplyDeleteThat was great when Dave did Puff Daddy.
hahahahaha, classic shit Spurs
ReplyDeleteis that what you looked like when you were a flight attendant DG?
ReplyDeleteWhat does Astrid look like?
ReplyDeleteThere were different uniforms to choose from. This looks like one of them. I picked the dress. It fit me best and was easiest to pack and didn't wrinkle like the rest of the options.
ReplyDeleteand how about kinky bitch, how does she look?
ReplyDeleteI've never seen Astrid, but kinkyb!tch has been posted here before.
ReplyDeleteI look like I eat rat pellets, according to Columbo, the rat bastard of the site.
ReplyDeleteI would like to see their pics.... you know, to see if they are boneable
ReplyDeleteI am out of here!!! later guys!!!!
ReplyDeleteThis is the second request kinkyb!tch. It's time for another picture.
ReplyDeleteLater Miami.
ReplyDeleteFat, rat, whatever.
ReplyDeleteneither are boneable.
ReplyDeleteI am over there>>>
ReplyDeleteif he cannot figure that out, his bad.
Miami said...
ReplyDeleteKB, I spoke to pam before. But I think she got turned off when I said that she would have to take me to McDonalds for a Big Mac
Big Mac is what she calls her vagina... you don't want to know what's in the special sauce
Astrid is not boneable? I find that hard to believe. She is from Ohio, all the hot chicks live there.
ReplyDeleteGood one Skeets.
ReplyDeletekb has long toes and a flat ass.
ReplyDeleteSorry, just typing that up for cbt cuz im nice like that. but i dont dont believe that.
oops....pelicanitis. buzzed typing does this.
ReplyDeleteIt's okay DG. You get blamed for all the stories I have told here, so you can talk about my long toes and flat ass.
ReplyDeleteYou're buzzed DG?
ReplyDeleteOh yeah, where are my manners? 200.
ReplyDeleteyep....raspberry sake.
ReplyDeleteYou eat some sushi too?
ReplyDeleteHappy 7/22 everyone!
ReplyDeletehttp://l-userpic.livejournal.com/63293664/9349709
Nice pic.
ReplyDeleteLOL @ Elfie
ReplyDeleteKB - looks like she'd take some good anal
ReplyDeleteYeah, I thought you made that comment on this post, that's why I responded here. I erased it though. Yeah, I'd do kinkyb!tch as well. She's into creeps, so I'd treat her like a dirty whore.
ReplyDeleteI bet kb would give you a run for your money Spurs.
ReplyDeleteShe probably would 2dirty4u. You back in San Antonio?
ReplyDeleteYes sir. So damn tired of that drive.
ReplyDeleteI think I'm going to go to Houston in a couple of weeks.
ReplyDeleteAnd the crappy weather followed you from Houston.
ReplyDelete"shut up, CBT. Your knight in shining armour routine is really pathetic coming from a redneck on a mule."
ReplyDeleteThat was hilarious.